Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Will God Raise Cain?

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Former Godfather's CEO Herman Cain, an aspiring candidate for President in the spirit of Donald Trump, has  told his followers to be on the lookout for a email announcement on May 21st.  Interestingly, May 21st also happens to be the day that radio huckster minister Harold Camping says that the Rapture will occur - the date on which God will open the floor of Heaven and suck up all deserving souls.

So I am literally beside myself in anticipation of Mr. Cain's announcement.  Will he tell us that he is running for President, or taking off for Heaven, or coming out with the best pizza deal ever?  The suspense is killing me!

The Republican Party would be more likely to nominate me for President than they would a black man - so that ain't gonna happen, Herman.  Besides, if Harold Camping is to be believed, and what true conservative Republican would doubt the word of a money-grubbing fundamentalist preacher, God plans to destroy the earth and the universe on the 21st of October - nearly thirteen months before the election.   You could possibly announce a "run" for President, but that sounds more like an exercise in vanity than it does a serious political threat.

And as for the Rapture, it will be hard for those who are armed to the teeth with personal weaponry and whose pockets are overflowing with ill-gotten gold to become airborne.   A good Rapture might suck off their hoods and sheets, but that would be about it.  The Republican Party as we know it is likely to remain firmly planted on Planet Earth.

So that just seems to leave the pizza offer.  Will you be sending out coupons with your big announcement Herman, or will I have to join Groupon?


Don said...

I love the title of today's Epistle to the Godless.
As for the rapture: The more or less instant evaporation of the millions of Republicans who have bet their eternal lives (now there's a risk-free proposition) on this crap would leave the world a far better place.

Xobekim said...

Maybe it will be an announcement about pizza to go?

Anonymous said...

Harold Camping is NOT A CHRISTIAN!

No True Christian would follow this man. He is an arrogant Old fool who believes his own Bible translations.

His followers are the worst, they trust “HAROLD CAMPING INTERPRETATION OF THE BIBLE...NOT THE BIBLE!

Harold Camping is a horrible Bible teacher that is ruining families!

SEE HERE http://haroldcamping-21.blogspot.com/2011/05/spending-all-your-money-because-harold.html