The Politics of Bacon

by Pa Rock
Political Satirist

If the modern Republican Party was a farm animal, it would be a big, mean, stark-raving-mad hog determined to eat every morsel of slop that the farmer's wife throws in the trough - especially if doing so would deprive the other farm animals of the means to survive. The hog wants it all - and piss on those other animals because they're just looking for handouts!

The hog would be white - very, very white. It might associate with a few hogs of color, but that would just be for show - so the hog could point with pride at its tolerance as it sought to strengthen its political influence around the farm. The hog would be the great white hog, and it would be damned proud of it. And the hog would speak Hog only, and if the cows and chickens wanted to have any influence on the farm, they had better learn to speak Hog!

Oh, it would be a pious hog, claiming to own the entire concept of Christianity and ready to quote those passages of the Bible that promote greed and hatred, but conveniently overlooking the words of the man after whom the religion was named. The hog would squeal and yell and out-shout anyone who dared to have a differing point of view, and it would tell lies with less effort than some of the other animals would use in breathing. When the hog finally quit squealing, it would once again become pious - and it would light up a big cigar!

It would be a tough hog, armed to the teeth with pistols, rifles, automatic weapons, bazookas, ground-to-air missiles, and whatever else was needed to protect its spot at the trough. The gun-toting hog would have an American flag pinned to its snout and a "God hates fags" bumper sticker stuck to its butt.

The hog would be in a constant state of arousal, quickly mounting anything or anyone who happened by - House pages, Argentine vamps, strangers in public restrooms, other farm animals (or their wives), any pig in the pen, and the odd goat. After the hog had its sexual desires sated, it would stand ready to expose and ridicule the most mundane and private sexual practices of every other animal on the farm.

The hog would be horny and hypocritical, mean and dangerous, loud and offensive, pious and sanctimonious, and very ego-centric and racist. But more than anything else, the hog would be greedy because it is, after all, a hog. It would oppose anything that would benefit any other animal, whether it deprived the hog of anything or not. If the hog had a motto, it would be "I got mine - screw you!"

Today the hog is going for a ride in the bed of the farmer's pick-up. The hog is smug because it knows it's headed to the vet to get its shots. The hog doesn't have to pay anything for its health care because the farmer takes care of that. It's not the hog's fault if the other animals can't be seen by the vet because the farmer is so poor. He's just a farmer, after all, and he must give his resources to the animal that matters the most - the hog. If the farmer needed money, maybe he could butcher the cow. The hog would like to have more red meat in its diet!

But wait! The truck is headed down the wrong road. "Go right, Mr. Farmer!" The hog squeals to no avail. "The vet's office is off to the right!" Then a sign comes into view, and the hog is reassured. It can't read, of course, (it was always too busy eating to indulge in any of that intellectual stuff), so it assumes that the sign is directing the farmer to a new vet. The hog - fat, dumb, and happy - slips into a peaceful slumber as it bounces along in the summer sun. The hog is truly content.

The farmer is feeling pretty good himself, knowing there will be plenty of ham for the holidays and fresh sausage for breakfast every morning. And he will finally be able to get caught up on the vet's bill! He smiles to himself as he passes the sign that reads: "Slaughterhouse Dead Ahead."

The farm is a cooperative effort. Those who can't plant or harvest the crops, clean house, do chores, pull the hay wagon, guard the place, catch mice, produce milk, or lay eggs - wind up in the freezer.

John McCain Says Something Smart! (Stop the Presses!)

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

John McCain, the ex-POW and war hero who married his way into money and a political future, can be inspiring. He was a beacon to political outsiders in 2000 when he tried to block the Bush juggernaut with his "straight talk" express. But Karl Rove, who was driving the Bush juggernaut, rammed right into McCain's bus in a place called South Carolina by convincing the Republican primary voters of that state that the Arizona Senator might be just a tad too open minded on the subject of race to carry the GOP's Klan robes, much less its banner.

So McCain lost that nomination and went slinking back to the Senate with his tail tucked militarily between his hind legs - where he licked his wounds and waited for another try when Bush left office. This time Johnny Boy wasn't going to take any chances with the bigots and morons who run the Republican Party machinery. In a bold, though stupid, move, he made a pilgrimage to Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, where he planted a big wet kiss on Jerry Falwell's flabby ass. From there he quickly spiraled downhill until he was left with almost no integrity - which made him a shoe-in for the Republican nomination. He frosted the cake by selecting completely incompetent and vacuous Sarah Palin as his running mate. It was a match made in Heaven - on a day when God was off fishing someplace else!

The principled John McCain of 2000 could have run a tough race against Obama, but that John McCain would have never gotten the nomination from his angry white party. The new McCain was offensive to enough people to secure the Republican nomination, but found it impossible to get enough ordinary Joe's to hold their noses and vote for him. He couldn't get the nomination being a human being, and he couldn't win the election being a moralistic cretin.

What's a John to do?

McCain is too old to run for President again, (Please, Lord, let it be so!), but he still has to pander to the know-nothings who run the Republican Party because he has a Senate primary opponent in 2010 who is well to the right of most of humanity. That is why he came out earlier this week and said that he would vote against confirmation of Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. (McCain has spoken passionately in the past about the need to incorporate Hispanics into American culture and government.)

But even with McCain's continuous sucking up to people he knows in his heart are illogical and dangerous kooks, he did manage to say something bright today on Twitter. Here is his most recent tweet - I was quite impressed:

"Town hall meetings are an American tradition - we should allow everyone to express their views without disruption - even if we disagree!"

As reported for the past several nights on several television networks, these "spontaneous" crowds showing up to heckle Congressmen and public officials are not spontaneous at all. They are being recruited, provided with scripts of how to disrupt and rattle the speakers, and are even being bussed from event to event. Kudos to Senator McCain for having the cajones to speak out against these mindless agitators!

Senator, I don't know what you put on your Fruit Loops this morning, but whatever it was - keep pouring it on! America is a better place when the real John McCain actually does some straight talking. Please consider doing it more often.

Republicans Goosestep Toward Party Purity

by Pa Rock
Amused Spectator

Arlen Specter, the moderate Republican Senator from Pennsylvania today became the moderate Democratic Senator from Pennsylvania. Specter said that he no longer felt at home with the Republicans who seem hellbent on letting hard right wing ideology define their party for the foreseeable future. Democrats are happy because they are now just one vote short of a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate, and Al Franken is going to be seated as the new Democratic Senator from Minnesota sooner or later. President Obama said that he was "thrilled" at Specter's change of parties.

Specter's big switch had more to do with political realities than it did with ideology. Republicans were planning to unseat him through a tough fight in the Pennsylvania Republican primary. The seventy-nine year old Specter, who isn't ready to retire, did the math and decided he had a better chance of political survival by running as a Democrat.

And the Republican ignoramus comitatus was quick to bid Arlen Specter a hale and hearty farewell, with remarks similar to Roy Clark's classic line (gender bent): "Thank God and Greyhound he's gone!" Most were on the air all day braying about how much better off the party was without him. There were a few exceptions to that idiot-ology, though. Maine's Senator Olympia Snowe said the loss of Arlen Specter from the Republican ranks was "devasting." Senator Snowe, one of only a handful of moderate Republicans in America, may one day be forced from the ranks of the "real" Republicans herself.

America's premier gasbag and the de facto head of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, bid good riddance to Senator Specter today, and suggested that he take John McCain and his daughter, Meghan, with him. (Take another bottle of pills, Rush. It will all be better in the morning!)

The Republican purists are glad to see Arlen Specter fly his true colors and join the opposition. Keep on purifying the party, folks, and your next Minneapolis convention will fit into the Larry Craig memorial restroom at the airport!

Trivia: As a young man, Arlen Specter was a lawyer working for the Warren Commission on the assassination of President Kennedy. He was the person who came up with the "magic bullet" theory to explain how one shooter could have done so much damage.

Spam: It's Not Just for Breafast Any More!

by Pa Rock
Cyber Warrior

A few days ago I posted a piece about Meghan McCain entitled My Favorite Republican. It looked admiringly at Ms. McCain's attempts to drag the Republican Party (kicking and screaming) into the 21st century. She has her work cut out for her because much of the GOP is still firmly rooted in the 19th century!

That posting generated one response, but for the life of me I can't figure out the writer's intent. The person who submitted the reply went on for thousands and thousands (and thousands!) of words that did not seem to have any bearing on what I had written. His (or her) rant seemed to be focusing on how the greedheads are stealing from the poor, and I certainly agree that is the case. But it would take at least a couple of hours to read the manifesto in its entirety, so I have no idea if there were some other conspiracy theories woven into it or not. I am assuming that it was spam, but, if so, quite a bit of work went into the effort.

I have saved the erratic rant in a Word file and plan on pasting it to replies to all of those generous people in Nigeria who keep writing and asking me to help them get their fortunes to the United States. I want them to know - I care!

Say What?

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Life is fairly predictable, world events are generally predictable, and American politics are completely predictable - or so I thought - until today. We all know that Democrats cater to the poor and the unions, and Republicans wrap themselves in the flag, hold a cross in one hand and an automatic weapon in the other, and take care of the rich while trying to convince the rednecks that the GOP is the only path to national salvation.

Nothing changes in American politics - ever! Well, sometimes one of the parties will come up with a rock star candidate - Raygun or Obama for example, but basically the same arguments drag on for generations with one party running things for a few years and then the public opinion pendulum swings back and the other party gets to have the power for awhile. It is so predictable, and progress seems to take forever.

That is why I was so shocked when I heard the news tonight. It was like I had an enormous mind fart and woke up on another planet. I blame the rotten Bush economy. It has shaken the bedrock of the established American political landscape and left things topsy-turvey.

I am getting ready to talk about the AIG bailout and the recent discovery that their executives - like those at Merrill Lynch (Bank of America) - got their bonuses at taxpayer expense even though they had proved themselves to be incompetent during the last year. I haven't written about AIG because to do so would have been pointless. The milk has been spilt and there has been little else in the news for the past few days. My two-cents worth would not have added anything significant to the brew.

But the story just keeps getting better and better, and now I can't help myself!

AIG was apparently able to pay the bonuses because of a legislative sleight-of-hand committed by Sen. Christopher Dodd, a Democrat from Connecticut and the son of a disgraced Connecticut Democratic Senator from another era. Dodd, when cornered, admitted that he had secretly taken a provision out of legislation that would have blocked the bonuses. He said that treasury officials had asked him to do it for the good of the country. And Dodd, btw, has received more cash from AIG that any other member of the U.S. Senate. (Look for lots more on that story in coming days.)

So, between Senator Dodd and Obama's Treasury Department, there were Democratic fingerprints all over the AIG bonuses. There was no way that the Republicans could lose on this issue - unless they were mortally stupid. But lose they did.

First of all, the Democrats got the jump on the issue with the President going on TV and railing about the awfulness of what had happened. His indignation was loud and it was righteous. Then, before Republicans could get their bearings, Congressional Democrats started thundering about how awful it all was. The Democrats in Congress came up with a plan to put a 90% tax on the bonuses, effectively returning the money to the U.S. Treasury.

The Republicans wanted to be indignant, too, because that's where the public was on the issue. But the Democrats had outflanked them. They knew that Republicans typically rally around the rich, and everyone knows how much Republicans hate taxes on the rich.

The House of Representatives voted on the 90% tax on the bonuses today. Democrats overwhelmingly voted for the measure (98%), but the Republicans inexplicably voted against it 87-85. What the hell were they thinking?

With today's vote in the House, the Republican party consigned itself to ignominy for the next decade. They could have easily blamed this sordid affair on the Democrats (with a fair amount of justification), but instead they chose to give up the moral high ground to protect a few rich slimeballs and a principle that isn't in sync with the country's views or needs.

The Republicans seem to be intent on committing political suicide. Democrats would be well served to sit on their hands, keep quiet, and let it happen.

The Stimulatin' Blues

by Pa Rock
Political Commentator

If the hypocrisy generated by Republicans and their media mouthpieces was pure manure, it could fill the Grand Canyon and create a victory garden that would feed America! (Alright, so it is manure, but like most things produced by the GOP, it is lacking in quality.)

Today a handful of Republican Governors from the American South were gnashing their teeth and saying that maybe they wouldn't accept any of that stimulus money. Yeah, wanna bet? Try telling that one to the voters back home who are without jobs and mired in debt. Big talk emanating from big mouths - but when the cash starts rolling, they will be the first hogs at the trough!

Today the big conservative whine revolved around the unfairness the "bailout" of people having trouble with their mortgages. First of all, the "bailout" doesn't pay the mortgage, it just gives people in trouble an opportunity to take care of their debt rather than walk out on their obligation and let the banks handle the loss. Poll those same Republican noisemakers and you will learn that damn few want the banks to suffer. Second, Obama is right. The people who aren't in mortgage trouble don't really want a bunch of foreclosures in their neighborhoods. Boarded up houses with ragged lawns hurt the home values of all of the neighbors.

But my favorite hypocrite isn't a governor or a radio maggot. My favorite hypocrite is Senator Kit Bond of Missouri. Yesterday he stayed busy travelling around Missouri proudly pointing out how its citizens would benefit from certain parts of the stimulus package - never mind that he had voted against that same package when it passed in the Senate. Keith Olbermann wisely made Bond his "Worst Person in the World" on Countdown yesterday for his opportunistic buffoonery.

Rush Limbaugh put the Republican strategy into words when he said publicly that he wanted to see Obama fail. Fair enough - it's all politics. The problem is that if Obama fails, we all fail - even drug-addled radio clowns. The economy is a lemon, a big sour lemon. Do we want to sit around sucking on it and feeling sorry for ourselves, or do we want to roll up our sleeves and at least try to make lemonade? The GOP likes to squint and pucker and tell us how awful anything is that is done for the public good, but the rest of us don't have to buy into their miserable view of life.

And I, for one, choose not to!

Gobama!

Let 'Em Bray!

by Pa Rock
Pissed-Off Populist

Every Republican member of the House of Representatives voted against the stimulus bill yesterday - for the second time. Remember that - and when we're all selling apples on street corners and living in cardboard boxes, we'll know who to thank!

One wonders just how many snakes have to bite President Obama before he realizes that the top item on the Republican agenda is his complete and total failure. These bottom feeders are only interested in tax cuts for the wealthy and meeting their own immediate needs. The rest of the country can go to hell in a hand basket!

Well, it's high time the President jettisoned these leaches and went to work for the people who elected him - the poor and the real middle class. No more Mister Nice Guy! Show the slugs what it's like to truly be on the outside looking in!

House Minority Leader John Boehner seemed to be bordering on tears as he threw the bill to the floor and wailed that there was no stimulus to it - it was all spending! Boehner's, and indeed the Republican Party's, idea of economic stimulus is that it can only be achieved by tax cuts for businesses and the "middle class," a group they see as making in excess of $200,000 a year. (Guess where that puts you and me?) That fiscal irresponsibility got us into this mess and has not worked for the past eight years, but maybe it will magically turn around the economy now. Don't hold your breath!

Mark Sanford, the Republican Governor of South Carolina, also got a little overly dramatic this week blubbering about the stimulus package putting enormous debt on our children and grandchildren. I am sympathetic to that claim. Our children and grandchildren appear doomed to pay all of our bills. But two questions, Mark: What type of lives are they likely to lead if we sit back and do nothing? And, where was your fiscal outrage when George Bush was destroying the economy with his ego-maniacal war?

Back in the Ozarks we have a word to describe these self-serving loudmouths - jackasses! The Republican motto seems to have become "Let us bray!"

The Fine Art of Buying Influence

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Recently while digging through records of political donations, I found a very interesting document at www.opensecrets.org that identifies the 100 biggest political donors of the past twenty years. Most are corporations or labor organizations, and also included are a couple of special interest groups. Although the information on the list confirmed my basic belief that big business is generally pro-Republican and labor is normally pro-Democratic, it was still fascinating to see it writ large.

The number one donor over the past twenty years was AT&T. I grew up in the sixties when Ma Bell was recognized by many as Public Enemy #1. Congress broke that evil monopoly up several decades ago, but...she's coming back! I used to have my cellular service with Cingular and was pleased with that arrangement. Then Cingular was swallowed by Southwestern Bell, which in turn was swallowed by AT&T - and after all of that swallowing, service wound up in the crapper! Ma Bell has given over forty million dollars to political candidates during the past twenty years - 44% of that went to Democrats and 55% went to Republicans. Do you suppose that she wants anything in return for all of that campaign cash?

On the other side of the fence, the American Federation of State, County, and Municipal Employees - a union of government workers - gave almost the same amount of money over the same time period with 98% of it going to Democrats and 1% to Republicans.

My insurance carrier (all right, HMO!), Blue Cross-Blue Shield, has felt the need to use my premiums and those of other suckers for over $14 million in political donations over the past two decades. Thirty-eight percent of it went to Democrats and 61% was lavished on Republicans - and my rates just went up! Bastards!

Exxon Mobil, those fine folks who tried to turn Alaska into one big oil slick, and got off without paying nearly what they should have for causing an ecological disaster, donated a hefty $10 million to political candidates over the last twenty years. Eighty-six percent of that went to Republicans. Color me surprised!

Groups representing medical providers and pharmaceuticals leaned heavily Republican, as did the auto and oil industries. Groups focusing on the people who actually do the work that make the corporations rich tended to be strongly Democratic. Corporations, while basically Republican, were more likely to hedge their bets and give some of their donations to Democrats. Conversely, labor unions and groups representing workers that normally lean Democratic, tended to be more purist in their ideologies and were far less likely to share their donations with Republicans.

Surprisingly, the strongest Republican donor was Amway which donated over $8 million and gave 99% of it to the GOP!

Special interest groups split along ideological lines: Emily's list, a strongly feminist organization, gave $20 million - with 99% of it going to Democrats. The eternally angry National Rifle Association, on the other hand, gave $17 million, with 82% of that going to Republican candidates. (While the NRA collects donations and membership dues from individuals, it is funded in large part by gun manufacturers who monetarily benefit from the defeat of any gun control measures.)

Calvin Coolidge, the man who was at the helm while America sailed at top speed toward the Great Depression, prophetically declared that "The business of America is business." Apparently the business of business and labor is politics!

Macy Politics

by Pa Rock
Campaign Contributor

I read somewhere that Macy is a fairly uncommon surname and was probably attached to less than 5,000 families in the United States. Several of those are in the Missouri Ozarks, with most, if not all, being relatives of mine. I have always been told that I was the "black sheep" because of my Democratic political leanings, but I am finally beginning to figure out that, aside from my Ozark cousins, most Macys are Democrats - at least the ones who donate to campaigns.

The first crack in the family fallacy appeared over the recent holidays when my Dad (of all people!) fessed up that his mother was a Democrat. He said that she and his father would catch a ride to the polls with the neighbors, where she would vote straight Democratic and her husband would vote straight Republican. (They must have enjoyed just getting out of the house for awhile!)

Working on the assumption that I may have grown up under a misconception, I recently checked the Federal Elections Commission stats for the name Macy. The results of that query were quite interesting - at least to me.

There were 34 political donors with the last name of Macy in 2008, and they made a total of 49 donations for a total of $37,448. Nine of the 34 donors gave to Republican candidates or committees to the tune of $6,850. Twenty-three donated a total of 29,378 to Democratic candidates or committees. Three individuals donated $1,200 to Political Action Committees (PACs).

Of the Republican donations, $200 was given to the Republican National Committee, $1,250 was given to Congressional candidates, $500 to Thompson, $1950 to Guiliani, and $2,950 to McCain.

The Democratic donations totaled $750 to the Democratic National Committee, $8,300 to Congressional candidates, $903 to Edwards, $2,300 to Richardson, $4,615 to Clinton, and $12,530 to Obama.

So not only am I within the political mainstream of Macys nationally, at least the ones who put their money where their heart is, but I was even in the winning wing of the winning party during the most recent national election. The Macy family is apparently much smarter than I was led to believe!

Suddenly I feel much less mavericky!

Piss Off, Joe!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Senator Joseph Lieberman, a once prominent Democrat who rose to the heights of being Al Gore's running mate in 2000, has been on a downward spiral since he became a cheerleader for the Oil War in Iraq way back in 2003. His ardent support of that ill-conceived and misguided military misadventure resulted in him losing the Democratic primary election in Connecticut in 2006.

In order to save his Senate seat, Lieberman ran as an independent and managed to defeat the Democratic and Republican candidates. He came back to an evenly split Senate as an independent and caucused with the Democrats, allowing them to keep the chairmanship of all of the Senate committees, and in return allowing Lieberman to remain chairman of the Homeland Security Committee. It was a classic marriage of convenience: the Democrats needed Lieberman to stay in control, and Lieberman needed the Democrats to remain relevant.

But then came the 2008 Presidential election. For months Joe Lieberman has served as John McCain's right hand man, joining him in public appearances, coaching him on Middle East fine points - like the differences between Sunni Muslims and Shia Muslims, and probably checking the water temperature in the bathtub before McCain got in.

Not only was Joe not supporting the Democratic ticket, he was actively campaigning against them! That should be it - marriage over! But for some inexplicable reason, Harry Reid seems to be hesitating about taking Lieberman's Homeland Security chairmanship away from him. The Democrats have a solid majority now and no longer have to pander to two-faced Joe. The man who should have been elected Vice President as a Democrat in 2000, has now turned his back on all of those who worked so hard to get him elected. It's time to return the favor!

Harry Reid needs to call the clown into his office and fire his butt, and if he doesn't do it, the Democratic caucus in the Senate needs to do it for him. Let the old fart roam off into the wilderness and live with the Republicans. Even that is better than he deserves!

Brave New World

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

The old saying goes that if you give typewriters to a room full of monkeys, eventually they will write a great novel. It isn't too much of a stretch beyond that to imagine that if you give a room full of politicians some time to themselves, eventually they will come up with a good idea. In fact, that may have just happened in the state of Indiana.

There are three candidates running for Congress in Indiana's 9th Congressional District: Baron Hill, the incumbent Democrat, Mike Sodrel, the Republican challenger who used to hold the seat, and Eric Schansberg, the Libertarian. As the campaign heads into the final weeks, an idea has suddenly been put forth by the district's Republican party chairman that all of the candidates be hooked up to lie detectors during an upcoming debate. His justification is that "while this format may unusual, I feel strongly that voters need to be able to make a clear decision without all the usual spin."

The Republican and Libertarian candidates have agreed, and the Democrat is thinking it over. The university sponsoring the debate is resisting this interference with their program, apparently seeing this last minute disruption of plans as being political in nature. Yes, it undoubtedly is political in nature, but that doesn't prevent it from being a good idea.

This political tactic out of Indiana represents a great use of technology! Maybe we should look at filtering the comments of every politician in America through a lie detector. When the President decides to have a news conference, hook that sucker up! When the crap starts flying at a city council meeting, check the lie detector needles and find out who is being honest and who isn't. Talk about truth in advertising! Citizens would be able to make truly informed decisions based on access to the real facts. There is no telling where a society armed with the truth might take our nation!

This truth thing might become so popular that it would spread beyond politics. How about car salesmen being hooked to lie detectors? Wouldn't it be so much easier to buy a car knowing what it was actually worth and not having to play the game in order to make the purchase? And how about television evangelists? Lie detectors would probably put those begging maggots out of business in a matter of weeks!

And then there is always Bill O'Reilly, but we may have to wait on the next generation of lie detectors to tackle a liar of that magnitude!

Of Lipstick and Pigs

by Pa Rock

The amoral majority of the Republican Party has worked its way into a major snit over Senator Obama's remark about McBush's policies being like those of Bush - and if you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig! Not fair, they blubber, because Sarah Palin already had associated herself with lipstick, and therefore Obama was calling her a pig. Those gentle Christian souls in the Republican Party are appalled by the blatant sexism.

Republicans appalled by sexism? Well, who'd a thunk it? After all, haven't they prided themselves as being the all-inclusive political organization that valiantly fights to ensure equality for all. Why, they had almost three dozen people of color at their last national convention...and three dozen out of three thousand ain't too shabby! President Lincoln would have been so proud!

The awful truth is, of course, Abraham Lincoln was probably the last Republican leader to give a rat's ass about anyone other than himself, his family, his bank account, or big business. The only thing that the Republican Party maintains from the days of Lincoln is the spelling of its name.

The McBush campaign's "horror" at the sexism supposedly espoused by Senator Obama is as funny as it is sad. The phrase, lipstick on a pig, is older than I am, and it is something that politicians like to throw around every so often because it conjures up such a vivid image. Why, John McBush himself has used that same tired old line on numerous occasions. But he can do that because he's not sexist. Right?

John McBush who publicly referred to his wife as a "cunt" didn't really mean to denigrate women. Why most women enjoy hearing terms of endearment like that, don't they? And then there's the John McBush who has told the "joke" about why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly - because Janet Reno is her father! That's a real knee-slapper, John. You're a funny guy! You ought to capture ninety percent of the women's vote when they consider Obama's sexism and your astounding sense of humor! (Maybe we should update your very funny joke to fit the current political scene. How about changing Chelsea Clinton to Meghan McCain, and Janet Reno could be updated to someone truly hideous, like, say, Ann Coulter!) Wouldn't that be a hoot, John!

Keep talking crap and nonsense, John! If we can all stay focused on silliness like lipstick and pit bulls and pigs and field dressing a moose, maybe no one will bother you with questions about the economy, the Oil War, health care, immigration, and education - the complicated stuff that American's shouldn't worry their pretty heads over anyway. Your crew of lobbyists will take care of those thorny issues when they open their offices in the White House.

And as for you, Caribou Barbie, don't worry about what mean old Barack said. I'm sure he meant no offense. And even if he did, Pork Chop, you're in the big leagues now - so get over it!

Hey, the Crackers Didn't Get the Memo!

by Pa Rock

Republican politicians have soaked the airwaves this year with suggestions that Barack Obama is an elitist, a not-so-subtle code word for the more racially tinged "uppity." It's worked well for them. They have been able to constantly remind their base and other related pond scum that the boy is, after all, a nigra, without saying it out loud. Oh, yes, they are a clever lot!

But somebody must have forgotten to send the memo to their cracker cousins in Dixie. Last Thursday two prominent Republican politicians, both still basking in the post-coital glow of the GOP convention, went off-message and used the "u" word.

Congressman Lynn Westmoreland of Georgia's 3rd District referred referred to Barack and Michelle Obama as "elitist class individuals who think they're uppity." Later he denied any knowledge that the word had racial connotations. Yeah, right! And on that same day, congressional candidate Rick Goddard, also from Georgia and also a Republican, showed his anger at NBC news correspondent Ron Allen for having the balls to ask Sarah Palin a serious question. The black newsman was defined by Mr. Goddard with one word - "uppity!"

And then there's the "b" word. Last April Republican Congressman of Kentucky, Geoff Davis (same pronunciation as the name of the former President of the Confederacy) said this of Barack Obama: "I'm going to tell you something: That boy's finger does not need to be on the (nuclear) button."

Hey, morons! He's not uppity and he's not a boy - he's an elitist! Get with the program! There's no point in having code words if you're too damned dumb to use them!(And don't forget to wear your Klan robes to the church social Saturday night. It's formal!)

In Defense of Sarah Palin

by Pa Rock

Well, McBush announced his choice for running mate this morning and spent the rest of the day slapping himself on the back for being so progressive. He thinks that he's found the perfect way to pry loose the wavering Hillary voters. We'll see, Johnny boy, we'll see!

There are things about Ms. Palin that I like, including:

1. She's not Mitt Romney. The country is in dire need of a break from vacuous frat boys who were born with credentials. And isn't it refreshing to know that there are others in the Republican Party besides old white men with money!

2. She is smarter than McBush. Of course, so am I, so are you, and so was 99% of his graduating class at the U.S. Naval Academy!

3. She has been a mayor of a town of 9,000, Governor of Alaska for less than two years, and a proud member of the PTA. Being a mayor of a small town and a governor of a state where the moose population exceeds that of humans really doesn't qualify her for much, but speaking as an old school administrator, I can tell you this with a straight face: if she can navigate the intrigues and politics of a small town PTA, U.S. foreign policy should be a piece of cake!

4. And, as pointed out by a columnist earlier today on Huffington Post, she has what it takes to be the next Dick Cheney! That's high praise, indeed!

Now Ms. Palin, let me give you some heartfelt advice. If John McBush ever calls you a "cu*t" like he publicly referred to his wife, I hope you bitch-slap him into the next life. (And I hope that he wakes up in that next life as the emotionally abused wife of a blowhard!)

Also, I was glad to hear that you were able to get your Wikipedia entry cleaned up a couple of days ago. You're going to need every break that you can get as you try to drag Gramps across the finish line!