Of Lipstick and Pigs

by Pa Rock

The amoral majority of the Republican Party has worked its way into a major snit over Senator Obama's remark about McBush's policies being like those of Bush - and if you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig! Not fair, they blubber, because Sarah Palin already had associated herself with lipstick, and therefore Obama was calling her a pig. Those gentle Christian souls in the Republican Party are appalled by the blatant sexism.

Republicans appalled by sexism? Well, who'd a thunk it? After all, haven't they prided themselves as being the all-inclusive political organization that valiantly fights to ensure equality for all. Why, they had almost three dozen people of color at their last national convention...and three dozen out of three thousand ain't too shabby! President Lincoln would have been so proud!

The awful truth is, of course, Abraham Lincoln was probably the last Republican leader to give a rat's ass about anyone other than himself, his family, his bank account, or big business. The only thing that the Republican Party maintains from the days of Lincoln is the spelling of its name.

The McBush campaign's "horror" at the sexism supposedly espoused by Senator Obama is as funny as it is sad. The phrase, lipstick on a pig, is older than I am, and it is something that politicians like to throw around every so often because it conjures up such a vivid image. Why, John McBush himself has used that same tired old line on numerous occasions. But he can do that because he's not sexist. Right?

John McBush who publicly referred to his wife as a "cunt" didn't really mean to denigrate women. Why most women enjoy hearing terms of endearment like that, don't they? And then there's the John McBush who has told the "joke" about why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly - because Janet Reno is her father! That's a real knee-slapper, John. You're a funny guy! You ought to capture ninety percent of the women's vote when they consider Obama's sexism and your astounding sense of humor! (Maybe we should update your very funny joke to fit the current political scene. How about changing Chelsea Clinton to Meghan McCain, and Janet Reno could be updated to someone truly hideous, like, say, Ann Coulter!) Wouldn't that be a hoot, John!

Keep talking crap and nonsense, John! If we can all stay focused on silliness like lipstick and pit bulls and pigs and field dressing a moose, maybe no one will bother you with questions about the economy, the Oil War, health care, immigration, and education - the complicated stuff that American's shouldn't worry their pretty heads over anyway. Your crew of lobbyists will take care of those thorny issues when they open their offices in the White House.

And as for you, Caribou Barbie, don't worry about what mean old Barack said. I'm sure he meant no offense. And even if he did, Pork Chop, you're in the big leagues now - so get over it!