Michele Bachmann as Lady Macbeth

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

The Constitution of the United States of America directs our federal government to count the nation’s people every ten years. That mandate of the Constitution is commonly referred to as the Census. It occurs on every year ending in a zero.

Census information is used by the government in determining national priorities and often plays a role in decisions about where national resources will be used. One of the primary results of the census is the determination of how many Congress people will be allotted to each state. A state’s total number of representatives in Congress may rise or fall depending on the total number of people residing within its borders when the census is taken.

Smart government officials want their state’s population to be counted as accurately as possible. The greater their population, the larger their share of federal resources (money), and the more representation they will have in Congress.

The concept is embarrassingly simple. More people equal more money and more power. Even a Congressman should be able to make that mental connection. If a state’s population goes down, that state could lose a Congressional seat – and it might be their own!

Enter Michele Bachmann, the ditzy Congresswoman from Minnesota who makes Sarah Palin look like an intellectual. Congresswoman Bachmann has declared war on the census, firing up the hillbillies and other goobers with dire predictions of the government using information collected in the census to send people to internment camps – like the American Japanese in World War II – or being able to see how much wealth a person really has and collect fair taxes – or how many guns we have! Eeegads!

Ms. Bachmann has declared that she will not fill out her census form – or at least not all of it – which is fine with me – and probably with many others. Either of those alternatives is a crime, and hopefully Eric Holder would grow a set and bring federal charges against the screechy drama queen. But if Ms. Bachmann refuses to even do her census form, that will lower Minnesota’s population. And if she is as influential as she believes she is, that could lower the Minnesota population a whole bunch – maybe even to the point that her seat goes away. That proof of God would be hard to ignore!

Now enter Bill Sparkman, a hapless part-time school teacher and census taker in rural southeastern Kentucky – down there among the type of folks that listen to the rightwing noise machine and think that they are hearing news. Mr. Sparkman, a well-respected and well-liked member of his community, was discovered dead two weeks ago under very suspicious circumstances. The corpse of Mr. Sparkman was found naked and hanging from a tree. His feet and hands were duct taped together, he was gagged, and his census I.D. was taped to his head. The word “Fed” was scrawled across his chest. The case has not yet been officially ruled a homicide, but that is clearly where it is heading.

Great work, Congresswoman Bachmann. One down and just a million or so more to go. Oh, you didn’t personally off Mr. Sparkman – just as America’s radio hate jocks didn’t personally blow up the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City – but all of you have blood on your hands.

Ignorance and hate incite violence, and you are very inciteful. You may hide from the census takers, but you will never be able to hide from yourself. Bill Sparkman’s blood is on your lily-white hands and it will not come off.

Atone.

Say What?

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Life is fairly predictable, world events are generally predictable, and American politics are completely predictable - or so I thought - until today. We all know that Democrats cater to the poor and the unions, and Republicans wrap themselves in the flag, hold a cross in one hand and an automatic weapon in the other, and take care of the rich while trying to convince the rednecks that the GOP is the only path to national salvation.

Nothing changes in American politics - ever! Well, sometimes one of the parties will come up with a rock star candidate - Raygun or Obama for example, but basically the same arguments drag on for generations with one party running things for a few years and then the public opinion pendulum swings back and the other party gets to have the power for awhile. It is so predictable, and progress seems to take forever.

That is why I was so shocked when I heard the news tonight. It was like I had an enormous mind fart and woke up on another planet. I blame the rotten Bush economy. It has shaken the bedrock of the established American political landscape and left things topsy-turvey.

I am getting ready to talk about the AIG bailout and the recent discovery that their executives - like those at Merrill Lynch (Bank of America) - got their bonuses at taxpayer expense even though they had proved themselves to be incompetent during the last year. I haven't written about AIG because to do so would have been pointless. The milk has been spilt and there has been little else in the news for the past few days. My two-cents worth would not have added anything significant to the brew.

But the story just keeps getting better and better, and now I can't help myself!

AIG was apparently able to pay the bonuses because of a legislative sleight-of-hand committed by Sen. Christopher Dodd, a Democrat from Connecticut and the son of a disgraced Connecticut Democratic Senator from another era. Dodd, when cornered, admitted that he had secretly taken a provision out of legislation that would have blocked the bonuses. He said that treasury officials had asked him to do it for the good of the country. And Dodd, btw, has received more cash from AIG that any other member of the U.S. Senate. (Look for lots more on that story in coming days.)

So, between Senator Dodd and Obama's Treasury Department, there were Democratic fingerprints all over the AIG bonuses. There was no way that the Republicans could lose on this issue - unless they were mortally stupid. But lose they did.

First of all, the Democrats got the jump on the issue with the President going on TV and railing about the awfulness of what had happened. His indignation was loud and it was righteous. Then, before Republicans could get their bearings, Congressional Democrats started thundering about how awful it all was. The Democrats in Congress came up with a plan to put a 90% tax on the bonuses, effectively returning the money to the U.S. Treasury.

The Republicans wanted to be indignant, too, because that's where the public was on the issue. But the Democrats had outflanked them. They knew that Republicans typically rally around the rich, and everyone knows how much Republicans hate taxes on the rich.

The House of Representatives voted on the 90% tax on the bonuses today. Democrats overwhelmingly voted for the measure (98%), but the Republicans inexplicably voted against it 87-85. What the hell were they thinking?

With today's vote in the House, the Republican party consigned itself to ignominy for the next decade. They could have easily blamed this sordid affair on the Democrats (with a fair amount of justification), but instead they chose to give up the moral high ground to protect a few rich slimeballs and a principle that isn't in sync with the country's views or needs.

The Republicans seem to be intent on committing political suicide. Democrats would be well served to sit on their hands, keep quiet, and let it happen.