Michele Bachmann as Lady Macbeth

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

The Constitution of the United States of America directs our federal government to count the nation’s people every ten years. That mandate of the Constitution is commonly referred to as the Census. It occurs on every year ending in a zero.

Census information is used by the government in determining national priorities and often plays a role in decisions about where national resources will be used. One of the primary results of the census is the determination of how many Congress people will be allotted to each state. A state’s total number of representatives in Congress may rise or fall depending on the total number of people residing within its borders when the census is taken.

Smart government officials want their state’s population to be counted as accurately as possible. The greater their population, the larger their share of federal resources (money), and the more representation they will have in Congress.

The concept is embarrassingly simple. More people equal more money and more power. Even a Congressman should be able to make that mental connection. If a state’s population goes down, that state could lose a Congressional seat – and it might be their own!

Enter Michele Bachmann, the ditzy Congresswoman from Minnesota who makes Sarah Palin look like an intellectual. Congresswoman Bachmann has declared war on the census, firing up the hillbillies and other goobers with dire predictions of the government using information collected in the census to send people to internment camps – like the American Japanese in World War II – or being able to see how much wealth a person really has and collect fair taxes – or how many guns we have! Eeegads!

Ms. Bachmann has declared that she will not fill out her census form – or at least not all of it – which is fine with me – and probably with many others. Either of those alternatives is a crime, and hopefully Eric Holder would grow a set and bring federal charges against the screechy drama queen. But if Ms. Bachmann refuses to even do her census form, that will lower Minnesota’s population. And if she is as influential as she believes she is, that could lower the Minnesota population a whole bunch – maybe even to the point that her seat goes away. That proof of God would be hard to ignore!

Now enter Bill Sparkman, a hapless part-time school teacher and census taker in rural southeastern Kentucky – down there among the type of folks that listen to the rightwing noise machine and think that they are hearing news. Mr. Sparkman, a well-respected and well-liked member of his community, was discovered dead two weeks ago under very suspicious circumstances. The corpse of Mr. Sparkman was found naked and hanging from a tree. His feet and hands were duct taped together, he was gagged, and his census I.D. was taped to his head. The word “Fed” was scrawled across his chest. The case has not yet been officially ruled a homicide, but that is clearly where it is heading.

Great work, Congresswoman Bachmann. One down and just a million or so more to go. Oh, you didn’t personally off Mr. Sparkman – just as America’s radio hate jocks didn’t personally blow up the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City – but all of you have blood on your hands.

Ignorance and hate incite violence, and you are very inciteful. You may hide from the census takers, but you will never be able to hide from yourself. Bill Sparkman’s blood is on your lily-white hands and it will not come off.

Atone.