Friday, May 14, 2010

The Mystification of Jan Brewer

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Our clueless governor, Jan Brewer, said that she is "mystified" at all of the controversy that has arisen over Arizona's new "papers please" law. She is particularly twisted over the economic boycott that is turning out to be surprisingly effective. She moans that she would never take part in anything (like the boycott) that would intentionally hurt innocent people.

No, Jan, you obviously hold innocent people in high esteem. Our brown neighbors who were brought to Arizona as small children are certainly as evil as their parents who walked across the insanely hot Sonoran Desert so that they could clean our toilets and trim our trees. Some of these kids are now employed Arizona taxpayers who are one traffic stop away from being deported to a country that is as foreign to them as it is to us. They may have just been babies when they deliberately let their parents spirit them into our country - but their still illegal!

And what about those Hispanic high school kids in Tucson who thought they had some right to study their ethnicity instead of America's standard white heritage? Some of them failed to bow down to a Republican hack who dropped in to lecture them. Who the hell do those kids think they are! Why, they are definitely not innocent - like you and Tom Horne!

None of those brown people are innocent, are they Jan? You are such a saint!

You are a mystified saint.

You are also one slick politician, or at least you thought you were until this damned boycott thing took hold. How dare all of those groups play politics with the Arizona economy, especially during hard times! It's downright un-American!

What's a tough love guv to do?

Arizona has no money - zilch, zip, nada - and the state is trying to raise money through a "temporary" sales tax (those things are never temporary!) that is doomed to fail. So Jan the genius thinks the best way to combat the insidious boycott is to form a committee to study the matter and figure out ways to get the word out about how great Arizona and Arizona laws really are. She is going to pay state funds (what funds?) to some company whose job will be to "re-brand" Arizona and launch a massive public relations campaign to re-explain our state to the nation.

So the Arizona answer will be to take a bad situation and try to correct it with money we don't have. If this state gets any crazier the Hispanics may leave of their own accord - and then who would clean our toilets and trim our trees - or pay the sales taxes that keep this state afloat?

1 comment:

Mike Box said...

Rock, why don't you help out and sponsor a contest for a new slogan to re-brand Arizona.

I'd like to see an Elmer Fudd rendition of the tune "Oklahoma" but with the words re-written. The song ends with Fudd singing "ARIZONA, ALL WHITE."