Friday, September 10, 2010

Joe Arpaio: America's Toughest Gas Bag!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

America's looniest lawman is at it again.  At the height of the political season just when you are beginning to think that the bullshit couldn't get any deeper or more fragrant, along comes Joe Arpaio to prove just how wrong that notion is.  Old Joe (really old Joe), the Shurf of Maricopa County, Arizona, just can't get enough of himself, and when the cameras start looking elsewhere for news, Joe can usually come up with something that will get him back in the spotlight.  In fact, the crap that Joe generates is often so egregious that it propels him to the national and international news markets - or at least gets him on Fox.  And, boy howdy, does he ever love that!

Old Joe's main notoriety as of the last year or two has been his relentless pursuit of undocumented gardeners and maids across the burning sands of Maricopa County - usually from the comfort of his chauffeured limousine.  (He can also peer for off into the desert in search of human smugglers and headless bodies from his suite of offices atop the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Phoenix.)   Joe's crime fighting abilities are the stuff of legend, at least in his foggy old mind.

Last year, during a slow news cycle, Joe ran the notion up the flagpole that he might just run for Governor of Arizona.  He backed down on that threat, of course, when it came time to declare his candidacy or shut up.  He realized that swapping down to governor made no sense - he has the better budget and staff as sheriff, and hell, he even has his own posse.  And his offices high above Phoenix are much nicer than anything that Jan Brewer has.

But recently attention has begun shifting to political races around the country, and to that whacky preacher (of sorts) down in Florida who was  going to burn all of those Qu'rans.   (That Qu'ran stunt was Joe-caliber, and he was undoubtedly sick that Terry Jones thought of it first!)  So, it was almost impossible that the geriatric Shurf of Maricopa County would sit idly by and let and let others hog the news cameras for long.

Old Joe, who is nearing eighty, has set the press a'buzzing this week with this tidbit:  he is now considering running for President in 2012.  Apparently people are asking him to consider entering the race to be our nation's leader - probably more than a few of whom live in Maricopa County and long for him to pursue some other line of work in some other location.  (Let him tie up traffic in Washington, DC, with his silly and useless immigrant sweeps!)

Joe won't run for President, of course.  It would be too much work and would expose him nationally for the clown that he truly is, but he will have a great time hinting and speculating about it for a few months - until it comes time to put up or shut up.

And who's to say that Joe Arpaio couldn't function as President.  Ronald Reagan ran the country while in the throes of dementia, so maybe Joe could too!

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