Sunday, April 14, 2013

Arpaio Struts His Stuff

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Our windbag of a sheriff, Saint Joe Arpaio, has been on many of the local news outlets this week (the ones he favors) bloviating about how the drug cartels aren't going to intimidate him.  The way he is carrying on, one would suspect that the Mexican drug lords are marching their armed troops up the streets of Phoenix - and a full assault on the sheriff's office is imminent.

The only thing Arpaio lacks in his quest to be the biggest drama queen in America is a tiara.

The sheriff, in his latest effort to create and control the news, has built a raging war out of an incident that occurred a few days ago in a Flagstaff post office.  Someone there mailed a package to Arpaio.  It was suspicious in that it apparently had far too much postage.  Postal inspectors decided to take a look, and they discovered an explosive powder and the makings of a rudimentary bomb.   There was some doubt whether the bomb was sophisticated enough to even explode.  One source said that if it did go off, it would not have made much of an explosion.

Never mind that the packaging was so obvious that it was intercepted at the point of origin.  Never mind that it was a very simplistic bomb that might or might not have worked.  Never mind that the package never even made it to Phoenix, much less to  Arpaio's desk.    Never even mind that our monarch of a sheriff would be very unlikely to open his own mail - and particularly not suspicious packages.  Never mind all of that - because to Joe it means the war is on!

Arpaio is moaning and groaning that this incident was the work of drug cartels - and he wants America to know that a bunch of drug thugs aren't going to scare him.  He was in fine form as he strutted his macho stuff for the local media.

As far as I can determine, Arpaio's powerful celebrity base (Pat Boone and Steven Seagal) has not weighed in yet on this dubious threat to their sheriff's life, but John Philip Sousa IV has sent out an urgent alert to the good donors and rabid fans on Arpaio's mailing list.   Sousa  speculates that the package might be the work of drug cartels or "pro-amnesty radicals."  He wants all to know that "Sheriff Joe is in grave danger."   He escalated his paranoid epistle with this wonderful closing:  "P.S.  Sheriff Joe is an American hero who came dangerously close to being assassinated this morning.  These attacks must end!"

There was no word as to whether Mr. Sousa's flammable diatribe was written in 2/4 time or 4/4 time.

The Phoenix New Times, a news outlet that Joe Arpaio never invites to his press shows, covered the story anyway - and they included a link in their coverage for requesting a Sheriff Joe recall petition.  I sent for mine.

The sheriff is in grave danger - from the registered voters of Maricopa County.  Put that in your piccolo and play it, Mr. Sousa!

1 comment:

Xobekim said...

Pat Boone is still alive? Egad.