A Tale of the Antichrist

by Pa Rock
Religious Muckraker

Late last night I fell onto my comfortable sofa, picked up the remote, and began channel surfing. Soon I came across something on History International that looked promising, a special on the Antichrist. Well, I thought, this should be good for a few grins.

The grins quickly turned into guffaws and belly laughs when the program, obviously several years old, turned to a fundamentalist religious leader for commentary. Their expert on the Antichrist was the Colorado holy man who founded the New Life Mega Church and related businesses, Reverend Ted Haggard. Yup, former meth user and "cured" homosexual Ted Haggard. Who better to speak on the insidious nature of sin and the threat that it poses to God's Chosen?

Brother Ted lost his luster and his flock when a male prostitute outed him in 2006, reporting that the mischievous minister had paid him for man-on-man sex on numerous occasions. Not only did the hooker blow (poor choice of verbs) the whistle on God's gift to Colorado Springs, he also let the world know that the fundamentalist icon who preached the importance of males heading households, had himself taken the position of the woman in their sexcapades. (Brother Ted was a bottom - who'd a thunk it?) The prostitute, who was far more honorable than his client, further admitted that he had been purchasing meth for the fast-talking preacher.

Brother Ted has begged God's forgiveness, fixed things with his wife, given up meth, and been "cured" of his homosexuality. He has recently started on a rehabilitation tour in an effort to reclaim some of his fan base. But wouldn't you know it - just as the big tour bus started to roll, up popped another pesky accuser.

Grant Haas wasn't a prostitute, rather he was a troubled young man who turned to his pastor, Reverend Haggard, for counseling related to his gay tendencies. Ted didn't have to go cruising for sex, the vulnerable young man just walked right into his office. It didn't take the cunning minister long to ensnare the youth in his sexual web. "You know Grant," the solicitous and salivating older man told him, "you can become a man of God and you can have a little bit of fun on the side." Then the lad's spiritual advisor led him to bed.

Grant Haas reported the situation to the leaders of the New Life Church as the other scandal was breaking. Their response was to pay him $179,000 in hush money, also referred to as college expenses. When Mr. Haas recently became aware that Ted Haggard's star was beginning to rise again, he went public with his allegations. He didn't want others to go through the hell that has been his life for the past couple of years.

What impact did Haggard's deplorable actions have on the youth who had turned to him for help? Mr. Haas told CNN that he has attempted suicide four times, is drinking heavily, and is seeing a psychiatrist. Nice work, Brother Ted!

Ted Haggard is a gay man who is deeply troubled by his sexual passions. He has spent most of his life being openly critical and hostile toward people who are able to live their lives honestly. His religion has conflicted his life and made him a moral cripple. Yes, he is a sleazoid who used his money and position of authority for "a little bit of fun on the side." Ted Haggard is also a sad and deplorable character, one more reason to be cautious of those who feel they speak for God. Their "God" may be lying in wait to ready to spring forward at the dropping of their pious pants.

Brother Ted, thou art shameless!

God Doesn't Even Hate Fred Phelps

The Lord works in mysterious ways, and earlier this month Her choice of a modus operandi was the United States Federal Court System. Acting through the distraught father of a Marine who was killed in Iraq, God smote America's best known hate-monger, the Reverend (sic) Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church / Cult of Topeka, Kansas.

Do you know about Fred?

Fred Phelps was born in Mississippi during the Great Depression, did a stint at Bob Jones University without graduating, and eventually became a Kansas Attorney specializing in Civil Rights cases. And while he did assist in bringing an end to some of the Jim Crow legislation that was still on the books in Kansas, his gears soon began to slip and he was ultimately disbarred for bizarre behavior in Court. Fred's other accomplishments of note include fathering thirteen children, nine of whom still claim him, and founding a church - of sorts. That church, the Westboro Baptist, has been labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center. According to Wikipedia, "60 of its 71 confirmed members are related to Phelps through blood or marriage or both." Both?

Phelps and his church/cult became famous and a national embarrassment primarily on one issue: their rabid stand against homosexuality. Their premier website, for those not overly faint of heart, is: godhatesfags.com. (Are you getting the picture?) It was the Phelps crew from Westboro who protested and heckled the Matthew Sheppard funeral. For awhile the group was content with just being cruel to the families of AIDS and hate crime victims. Somehow though, they have since conflated their homosexuality issues with the US Military, and are now protesting at military funerals on the premise that the United States has enabled homosexuality, and our dead soldiers are God's revenge for that transgression. The group also has up websites detailing their hatred of Canada, Ireland, and Sweden.

Though Phelps and his minions are openly hostile to the American government (and Fred himself has spoken glowingly of Fidel Castro and Saddam Hussein because of their stands against gays), they are not too proud to avail themselves of the protections offered by the United States Constitution. Whenever anyone has summoned the courage to attack these bullies in Court, they wrap themselves tightly in the First Amendment and proclaim the sancity of their freedom of speech.

But maybe the lights are finally about to go out at the Westboro circus.

The Federal Court in Baltimore looked at more that just freedom of speech. Those judges also considered a family's right to privacy and the emotional distress that comes with having the funeral of a loved one disrupted with plackards and heckling. And when those good judges viewed the whole picture of what these homophobic crazies had hurled upon people who just wanted to bury their Marine son in quiet and dignified repose, they took a big step to righting a festering wrong. The Court awarded the family of the deceased Marine 10.9 million dollars to be paid by Fred, two of his children, and the Westboro Baptist Church.


May the verdict hold through appeals, may the government seize and sell the Westboro Compound to pay the damages, and may the whole place be bulldozed and salted by a team of gay construction workers so that nothing ever grows there again! And then may God bless us each and every one, especially Fred.

Amen