Pickup Trucks and Mailboxes: An American Phallusy

 

by Pa Rock

Curmudgeon

My mailbox was struck by another vehicle last night.   It wasn't a fatal strike, just a few good dents which make it difficult to open and close.  My son, who likes to hammer things, will soon have it back in serviceable condition.

I've lived in this idyllic country setting shack facing a paved rural road for a dozen years, and during the first ten or so there were only two motorists who hit the mailbox - which sits out next to the road.  (Once I had to replace it because the damage was inoperable, but the other time dents were banged out and daily mail delivery continued.)  But over the past two years there has been a spate of incidents in which my poor mailbox has been assaulted by beer-swilling yokels in big pickup trucks as they raced to and from Walmart.

I purchased the large mailbox new at hardware store shortly after relocating to Missouri in the spring of 2014.  It sits attached to a four-by-four wooden perch that is anchored in a milk can that is partially buried close (but not dangerously close) to the road.   The box-on-a-perch is clearly visible from both directions, and drivers have to aim at it in order to hit it - or be drunk - or asleep.  Several Mario Andrettis have managed to strike the box over  the past couple of years and do damage without putting the box completely out of commission, but on two separate occasions the four-by-four post frame supporting the mailbox has been broken and required repairs by my handyman son, and three times the box was knocked from of its stand -  and once it landed twenty-five feet on down the road!  That was some serious driving!

(On the few days when the box was out of commission due to drunken misadventure or driver exhaustion, my mail lady, a sweetie, pulled her van into the drive and carried the mail to my front porch, proving, to my satisfaction at least, that not every government employee is a cold, uncaring bureaucrat.)

I couldn't figure out why there was a sudden uptick in people hitting my roadside mailbox until a couple of weeks ago when a neighbor pulled in and admitted that he has just knocked it from its stand.  The fellow, who holds multiple jobs in order to feed his family, told me that he had struck it with the rearview mirror on his truck and that the sound was so loud h was surprised I hadn't heard it in the house.  He said he might have dozed off - and I told him to go home and get some sleep.

But as my neighbor was leaving, I noticed the side mirrors on his truck.   They both stood out from the trucked on extended metal frames - and added about three total feet in width to the actual truck.  The extensions looked to be typical male enhancements similar to big exhaust pipes, large tires, and chrome wheel covers that have occasionally surged in popularity among people who have trouble putting food on the table.  The fellow probably hadn't swerved at all, but had just forgotten how far out his mirrors reached.

After that I began noticing that extended mirrors are a big thing now with young men (and some young women) and their trucks.   Size apparently still matters - or is that a phallusy?