Dear Fellow Patriot

 

by Pa Rock

Consistent Voter

Over the past few weeks I have sent out several donations to political candidates as the primary season heats up and the general election draws ever nearer.  Generally my donations go to Democrats whom I feel have earned my support through their records of helping the less fortunate, or to volunteer groups that generally support Democratic candidates and the social goals espoused by Democrats.  Occasionally I will even grease the palm of an independent candidate.  

Years ago I may have given a small donation or two to Republican candidates if I admired their position on some particular issue, but if I did, I honestly don't remember.   Now, however, with the current state of the hate-riddled Republican Party, it would be a very cold day in hell before I would feel compelled to support someone sitting astride the GOP's befuddled elephant.

That's why it was so surprising yesterday when Rosie and I walked out to the mailbox and retrieved a letter whose return address said simply "President Donald J. Trump."  The most notorious convicted felon in the entire world was writing to me.  What were the odds that he would be asking for money?  (A bazillion to one?)

The enclosed two-page letter (printed cheaply, front and back on one page) was, of course, a request for money.  The Trumpster wanted me to commit to two $25 donations or one combined gift of $50, and he sent along two colorful envelopes addressed to the Republican National Committee at a P.O. Box address in Topeka, Kansas, for my convenience.  The envelopes, alas, were not postage-paid, or I would have already placed them  back in the US mail, empty, of course.

I know that as an elderly, white, male voter who resides in the rural, ass end of a red state, there is a high likelihood that I am a Republican, and occasionally the Koch organization, "Americans for Prosperity" will send me a mailer requesting a cash love-offering for some Neanderthal state candidate, but yesterday's letter marks the first time - at least since Nixon - that a Republican Presidential candidate  or the Republican National Committee has trashed my mailbox.

The envelope that the beg came in had my name spelled correctly, even with the correct middle initial, and the address was also right, up to and including the nine-digit zip.  Did all of that come from our county voter lists?   Or were there boxes of Social Security records piled high in some bathroom at Mar-a-Lago that the Feds missed on their sweep of the joint?   In a country where Amazon.com has a more complete collection of addresses than the US Postal Service, I guess "privacy" is more or less just an arcane term, an oddity of history.

The envelope was clearly intended for me, but the letter itself began "Dear Fellow Patriot" and never contained my name in any form.  It had a bit of the Trump standard screed about Biden and his "Far-Left Overlords" buying the last election out from under Trump, and a short list of some of the ways the current President is shorting America - the standard Trump yammer about immigration, crime, wages, and taxes, but it was primarily just a beg for the Republican National Committee, the group that appears to not only be funding much of Trump's election effort, but also paying for his lawyers as well.

Donald, a jury of your peers who were selected, in part, through the efforts and approval of your own lawyers, said you did the crime.  They said so unanimously on each and every one of the thirty-four felongy counts.   You did the crime - so pay for your own damned lawyers!

But thanks for writing.  I always enjoy a good joke!