by Pa Rock
Health Care Consumer
I was assured by friends that my new dentist was painless, but they clearly lied. Oh, the shots go in with little irritation, and the deep cleaning was a downright drowsy affair. In fact, I never felt a thing until his "girl" handed me the bill - that was a real kick in the face, and man did it hurt!
He actually gave me an estimate yesterday, shortly after taking a couple of hundred dollars worth of x-rays. Dentistry is a gotcha system. You have to have the exam and x-rays before the mouth doctor can tell how much it is going to cost. By the time you get the estimate, you have already been hooked into his system. The estimate that I was handed yesterday - by another of his "girls" - represented enough money to buy a decent car.
(I suspect that prices went up when he found out that I had a Cadillac dental plan, but even with the cash that the plan will fork over, I will still be hit harder than Muhammad Ali ever pounded anyone.)
My new dentist has to charge ridiculously high prices because his office is a palace. The first thing that one of the "girls" do for new clients is to give them a tour of the office, and it is nice - very nice. Some of the accoutrement's that caught my eye were the flat screen televisions located at the end of each patient station, and also on the ceiling over the reclining patient's head. I learned that those were available so that patients could watch movies while the dentist was doing his thing. Really!
That was my first clue that the rates were going to be exorbitant. Clue number two was when I learned that he drove a Hummer - an effing Hummer! Not only is he a greedy capitalist swine, but he also has no environmental conscience!
Today I went back to my new dentist and another of his "girls" gave my teeth a deep cleaning, and then gave my wallet an even deeper cleaning. I am certain that I have now made a Hummer payment - or two!
My New Dentist Drives a Hummer
by Pa Rock
My new dentist drives a Hummer
Morning, noon, and even summer.
He smiles when I walk in the door,
Knowing he will leave me poor,
And forever driving my ragtop Bummer!