Tumbling Tumbleweeds

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by Pa Rock
Desert Rat

Arizona has two basic weather conditions: warm and hot. Arizona "warm" is hot in most of the rest of the world, and Arizona "hot" is melt-your-liver hot. Those native to this hellhole spice up their food with jalapenos and liquid fire sauces that bake their bodies from the inside while the sun bakes if from without. It's a crazy culture that has been out in the sun way too long.

There are also three or four days a year when the wind blows to beat hell across the desert. Today the sky got so brown that the ubiquitous mountains off in the distance were hidden from view. Lawn chairs and tumbleweeds were blowing across the major thoroughfares with wild abandon. If all of that wind were to come roaring into the Midwest, it would be the harbinger of an impending storm. In Arizona, however, it signifies nothing. I guess that it could mean that the seasons are fixing to change, and if that is the case - God help us!

Summertime in the desert. I will be moving into my new place in a couple of weeks. My lawn chairs (two) are made out of a heavy steel mesh. I plan to put them in a shady spot out behind my elegant trailer, right next to a killer lawn sprinkler. If you come to the front door and I'm not answering, check around back. I will be just one more potted palm in this cruel, cruel desert!

I'm So Hot I Could Puke!

by Pa Rock

The temperature was 108 degrees as I left Luke AFB this evening. And, as if on cue, I came home to find my air conditioning was out - again - and the inside of my apartment was almost as hot as the outside of my apartment. Praise Allah for my solitary fan, or I would be curled up in my refrigerator waiting on the repairmen. I like the repairmen, we've met before. I give them bottled water and they give me excuses. But they are nice guys, though.

My cable, of course, remains out until Wednesday evening. When I went to the apartment office to report the air conditioning being out, one of the managers and I started talking television service. She uses Dish Network and said that it is cheaper than Cox. (Big surprise there!) She gave me a coupon that will provide me with a discount when I sign up, and it will also give her a break on her next bill. Thanks, Monica, from Palm Valley Luxury Rentals (where the AC works most of the time!).

Things could be worse. Having no air conditioning leaves me with the benefits of a good sauna - the fat is just melting off - and pooling up around my feet! And having no television leaves me plenty of time to blog about minutiae!

If God really wants me to live in Ariizona, why is she making me suffer!