Holiday Shopping with a Member of Congress

 

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

A loud white woman who currently serves in Congress from a rural district in the Deep South recently spoke to a group of young Republicans in New York City.   The congresswoman, who is not necessarily known for her mental prowess, but believes herself to possess a quick-and-ready wit, nonetheless, could not let the evening in the Big Apple go by without exercising her killer sense of humor.  While speaking to the budding fascists, the GOP House member cut loose with a tirade on modern times by declaring that two particular items designed for the enhancement of sexual experiences were readily available at the major retailers, Target and CVS.

 

(I deliberately chose not to name those items in this posting because of my deep sense of public decency and a level of personal piety that far exceeds that of the vulgar and oafish congresswoman.  But they are relatively common items which have sometimes been used to describe various members of the Trump family and administration.)

As an occasional shopper in both Target and CVS who has never come across either of the items that got the congresswoman so excited, I decided to investigate.    I navigated to each store's on-line site to explore a bit more thoroughly.  A search of both corporate websites revealed that neither had merchandise labeled by the exact words that the bawdy-talking congresswoman used, but entering those terms brought up related items like "personal" massagers.  None were of the realistic nature of items which (I have heard) can be purchased in sex shops.  Perhaps the congresswoman had gotten overheated just thinking about all of the sin that is possible with things like personal massagers, and she let her imagination run wild!

But, whether a pair of major American retailers are openly trying to compete with the nation's struggling sex shop industry or not, just making the claim and using some saucy labels makes for a rollicking political speech and can help usher in an energetic night of youthful exuberance in Gotham.

I'm sure the congresswoman's words aroused some of those youngsters to go out and at least try a few formidable feats - because she is, after all, such an inspiration!