Trump's Imaginary Trading Cards for the Really, Truly Stupid

 

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

After much hype about a "major announcement," the big news from Trump World actually broke yesterday afternoon.  Donald John Trump, the relentless grifter and self-promoter, was officially enhancing his image and legacy with trading cards of himself pictured in a wide array of super-hero modes.  The new cards, which aren't really cards at all but digital images of cards that gullible purchasers can pull up on their computers and salivate over whenever the wifi is working, are, as a real American hero - Alfred E. Neuman - would put it, "Just $99 cheap!"  

Yes, for a mere $99 (plus a modest "transaction fee") a fortunate American consumer can have one - just one - computer image of a much slimmer and more fit Donald Trump - with noticeably bigger hands - ready for instant adoration on their home computer or phone.  An imaginary trading card for just under a hundred bucks!  What a deal!

But wait, there's more!

Each imaginary trading card comes with its own NTF - a non-fungible token that serves as proof-of-purchase of a digital asset!  That's right!  Ninety-nine dollars will get you not only an imaginary trading card, but also a token to prove that you own an imaginary trading card!

And there is still more!

People who buy at least forty-five of the imaginary cards - at ninety-nine dollars a pop - will, in addition to  getting forty-five swell non-fungible tokens - also be guaranteed a ticket to attend a gala dinner with Trump in Florida!  (Remember, Trump is a man who fine-dines on Big Macs!)

And there is even a sweepstakes with other great rewards!

Lucky purchasers of the imaginary Trump trading cards will be entered into drawings where they could win a meet-and-greet with Trump, or a 10-minute zoom call with the man himself, or even an hour of golf at Trump Golf Palm Beach.   (How many holes would that be?)

The "initial" run of imaginary trading cards will be just 45,000, with some of the many designs having pre-assigned rarities.  A few, for example, will only be available in very limited quantities - from one to twenty - and the purchasers who are lucky enough to get those should see a quick enhancement of their investment.

These imaginary trading cards are now available for purchase over the internet with two prominent forms of imaginary money:  cryptocurrency or credit cards.  

The private company creating the imaginary Donald Trump trading cards in collusion with Donald Trump has stated that proceeds will not go to Donald Trump's presidential campaign, but I suspect most of us already knew that.

Deals like this won't last long - so rush right out and buy several today!   There may not be food for the table or wood for the stove, but as long as America can sit in the warmth of fake images of Donald Trump,  and overpay for the privilege, we will survive!

God bless us every one!