Saturday, December 29, 2018

Life Picks on Trump

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Donald Trump, the questionably-elected leader of these United States, has worked hard at not working at all during the two years that he has held court in the White House.  Trump's life since the 2016 election has been one of almost continual vacationing and golf, interspersed with tweeting binges to fulfill his occasional need for chaos.  Over the past couple of years, in fact, life for America's premier con-man has been a pampered continuum of one guilty pleasure after another.  True, he would take occasional breaks to destroy the peace and harmony of others, but basically Trump's primary concern was making sure that Trump was taken care of - royally.

But now America's Dear Leader firmly is strapped to the horns of a dilemma.   Next Monday is New Year's Eve and Donnie desperately desires to be the center of attention at the festivities at his private club, Mar-a-Lago, in Palm Beach.   It is a spectacle that he enjoys every New Year's Eve, and lots of people have already ponied up lots of cash to have access to him during that long night of glitz, glamour, and sloshing champagne.  His companionship has been bought and paid for, and Don the Con, the consummate salesman, is eager to deliver.

Christmas was a wreck.  Donnie stayed in the White House to feign concern for the federal workers who were forgoing pay as a result of his partial government shutdown, and then he had to fly to the shithole country of Iraq to show solidarity with American troops, something he had been goaded into doing by that loathsome "free press" rabble who are always out trying to spoil his golf-outings.

Mar-a-Lago is special, and the people who turn up there really, really, love Donnie.  And Donnie really, really wants to be with them as the New Year arrives.   It's a private club, so only the right people get in.  And Donnie longs to be with those people, his people, for New Years.  But that awful press is trying to box him in again, comparing his lavish party to the struggles of furloughed government employees - and the others who are being forced to continue working without pay.  Federal employee number one desperately wants to be partying and leading the good life, while others (whom he brusquely dismisses as "mostly Democrats") struggle to survive by borrowing off of family members and selling personal possessions.

In order to keep the government functioning, the feds have forbidden employees who are still working from taking vacations.  Jared and Ivanka, however, are both federal employees and they have been at Mar-a-Lago since before Christmas.  Melania flew down there on Thursday evening.  It's sort of a two-track system, the royals and the others, and Donnie wants desperately to join his fellow royals at the club.

Mar-a-Lago is an exceptional profit-center, even without the government subsidies that accompany Trump everywhere he rests his large orange head.  When Donnie was elected in 2016, he doubled the cost of membership within a few weeks from $100,000 per annum to $200,000.  And the New Year's party tickets have also seen a steady rise.  Two years ago a member could get into the holiday bash for an additional $575, and they last year the price jumped to $750.  This year a single ticket to the New Year's Eve party is a steal (for the Trump's) at only $1,000.  For a grand, you can get in your best tux or evening gown and maybe get a chance to give The Donald himself your opinion on the needless extravagance of free school lunches.

But Donnie is trapped in Washington, DC, trying to appear presidential when all he really wants is to be hobnobbing with energy executives, eating French pastries by the fistful, and playing golf.

Life can be so bitterly unfair!

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