Dead Pool Master
The entries are in for the 4th Annual Pa Rock's Dead Pool. Now the only task left is to sit back, sip on a long lemonade, and see who croaks during this calendar year.
Our Dead Pool garnered twenty-one entries this year, and, even though that is a pitiful showing, it is our best to date. I expect this thing to really take off about the time everyone starts putting my name on their list!
Hugh Hefner and Charlie Sheen led the pack of candidates for a quick date with a toe-tag at seven votes each - a full one third of all entrants! Lindsay Lohan finished a close second with six votes. Clearly our players believe than none of those three should make any long-term commitments!
Amy Winehouse, a perennial favorite among our contestants, only managed to stir five votes this year. The Winehouse brand is obviously fading! Former President George H.W. Bush also pulled in five votes. Evil Dick Cheney had four, and Ozzy Osbourne snagged a respectable three votes.
The British royal family have figured quite prominently in this contest during past years, but this time the royals only walked away with three votes - one each for the Queen, Prince Philip, and Prince Harry. His Naziness, the Pope, scored two.
Men, who tend to have shorter lifespans than women anyway, accounted for162 of the 210 selections (with Chas Bono being tallied as a man), and, interestingly 13 of the 21 entrants were men.
Below are the entries - in no particular order:
Judy: Fred Phelps, Fidel Castro, Charles Manson, Bob Dole, Arnold Palmer, Bob Barker, Hugh Hefner, Charlie Sheen, Dick Cheney, and Yogi Berra.
Erin: Nancy Grace, Wee Man, Dr. Phil, Johnny Knoxville, Ozzy Ozbourne, Gary Busey, Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Jay Leno, and Charlie Sheen.
Brenda: James Arness, Geroge H.W. Bush, Nancy Reagan, Michael J. Fox, Kirk Douglas, Dick Cheney, Elizabeth Taylor. Amy Winehouse, Charlie Sheen, and Bette Midler.
Tim: Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Dick Cheney, John McCain, Larry King, Mel Gibson, Pope Benedict, Andy Dick, Mick Jagger, and Hugh Hefner.
Eva: Barbara Bush, Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Nancy Reagan, Queen Elizabeth, Amy Winehouse, Tiger Woods, Len Dawson, Nelson Mandela, and Jimmy Carter.
Ron: Mickey Rooney, Hugo Chavez, Willie Nelson, Elizabeth Taylor, Ben Gazzara, Billy Graham, Hugh Hefner, Aretha Franklin, George H.W. Bush, and Margaret Thacher.
Breanne: Lindsay Lohan, Felipe Calderon, Magic Johnson, Dr. Phil, Macauly Culkin, Mark Mangino, Ron Jeremy, Kirstie Alley, Britney Spears, and David Blain.
Boone: Paul McCartney, Glenn Beck, Jerry Seinfeld, Justin Bieber, Alec Baldwin, Eddie Murphy, Lindsay Lohan, Michael J. Fox, Ricky Gervais, and Usher.
Charlie: Lindsay Lohan, Elton John, Eminem, George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, O.J. Simpson, John Madden, Richard Petty, Wayne Newton, and Ozzy Osbourne.
Scott: Betty White, Steven Tyler, Joaquin Phoenix, Whitney Houston, Mickey Rourke, Lindsay Lohan, Dennis Rodman, Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse, and Hugh Hefner.
Molly: Denis Leary, John Goodman, Ozzy Osbourne, Betty Ford, Dick Clark, Jeff Conaway, Hugh Hefner, Betty White, Keith Richards, and Robert Downey, Jr.
Gail: Chas Bono, Carol Burnett, Jimmy Carter, Nicolette Sheridan, Magic Johnson, Dan Rather, Ted Danson, Shirley Jones, Kidd Rock, and Barry Manilow.
Nick: Charlie Sheen, Martin Sheen, Val Kilmer, Dolly Parton, David Letterman, Gilbert Gottfried, Keith Richards, Burt Reynolds, Mark Martin, and Mel Gibson.
Mary: Charlie Sheen, Jimmy Buffett, George Clooney, Barack Obama, Zsa Zsa Gabor, apl.de.ap, Michael Douglas, Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, and Jennifer Anniston.
Don: Andy Rooney, Amy Winehouse, Barack Obama, Keith Richards, Doyle Brunson, Dick Clark, Andy Dick, Fidel Castro, Joe Paterno, and Nick Nolte.
David: Rosalyn Carter, Prince Phillip, Mackenzie Phillips, Brian Wilson, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Liza Minnelli, Annette Funicello, Shirley Temple, Daryl Dragon, and Osama bin Laden.
Rod: Phil Donahue, Regis Philbin, Bret Michaels, Joaquin Phoenix, Sean Puffy Combs, Hugh Hefner, Phyllis Diller, Joan Rivers, Joe Montana, and Joe Biden.
Ricardo: Osama bin Laden, Joe Torre, Carlos Slim, Howard Stern, David Letterman, Hosni Mubarak, Alan Greenspan, Sarah Palin, Ricky Martin, and John Daly.
Mike: Justin Bieber, Christy Turlington, Amy Winehouse, Joe Torre, Rudy Guiliani, Elizabeth Taylor, Larry King, David Hasselhoff, Mary Tyler Moore, and Liza Minnelli.
Reed: Jerry West, George H.W. Bush, Lindsay Lohan, Bill Clinton, Betty White, Goldie Hawn, Alec Baldwin, Pete Rose, Steven Tyler, and Charlie Sheen.
Pa Rock: Shirley Phelps-Roper, Dick Cheney, Hugh Hefner, George H.W. Bush, Pope Benedict, Fidel Castro, Prince Harry, Clint Eastwood, Jim Carrey, and Fred Phelps.
Post this list on your refrigerator or next to your computer and help me keep track of who crosses the River Styx during the remainder of 2011. Good luck to everyone, particularly the Chosen. May you live long and prosper!