Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Rusty Pails #30
Ermine's New Vacuum

by Rocky Macy

Some fish grow faster on dry land than they did in the water, ‘specially in Sprung Hinge!

Shadetree Mike outbid me on a vacuum cleaner a couple of weeks ago. It was a classic --leastways a relic -- that could have entered the used market at Mrs. McKinley’s White House yard sale. For less money that it would take to buy a good cane pole, Mike snagged his prize, complete with a few of its original attachments.

I helped him load the catch into his old pickup truck for the short ride back to town. The vacuum, I figured, would probably be spruced up and presented to Ermine as a birthday or anniversary gift. That Mike sure is a thoughtful cuss!

A few days later, as some of us sat around the domino table at the Pump and Git listening to Mike belch endlessly about matters of no great importance, I noticed Ermine clearing a path with her old straw broom. When Mike finally paused for effect, I interrupted with a question about the fate of the vacuum cleaner.

“Durndest thing I ever saw!” said the Dean of Dominoes, skillfully enticing me with a simple lure.

I nibbled. “It was a junker, wasn’t it?”

“Oh my, no!” Mike stretched his arms to stress the enormity of what was coming and continued. “That old sweeper was just too blamed powerful for the little woman to handle!”

Sensing that Mike’s fish tale was starting to grow, I made a vain attempt to bend the hook. “You mean it pulled the flowers off of the wallpaper?” I chortled.

“Or drew all the heat off of the wood stove and floated out the window?” interjected Judge Rufus T. Redbone, a seasoned political angler.

Now you boys are getting too far-fetched for this neighborhood,” Mike laughed, spit, and continued, “”Ermine had me get rid of it ‘cause she couldn’t change the bag.”

“How’s that?”

Mike laughed as he set the hook and began reeling me in. “The blamed thing sucked the carpet tacks out of the floor and nailed the bag inside the sweeper!”

Old Rusty had been nailed, too – leastways hooked and landed!

Auction Tip: If something you want is about to be auctioned off in a lot, ask the auctioneer to sell your item individually. There’s no point in bidding on things you don’t want.

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