Yes, but...

by Pa Rock

John McBush seems to have turned sputtering senility into an art form as he bangs his cane on the furniture wanting to know why no one is paying any attention to him. After all:

• Yes, he’s been in Washington DC for over a quarter of a century, but isn't that a good thing?

• Yes, he campaigns five days a week, or less, but reporters ought to appreciate the time off, right?

• Yes, he’s a nice guy, but it’s usually during the sixteen hours or so a day when he’s asleep.

• Yes, he has a rich and pretty wife whom he only disparages whenever he feels like it, but only in the presence of friends, aides, or anyone else who happens to be within ear shot.

• Yes, he has the support of the Bush family, kinda sorta, but that's a good thing, too, isn't it?

• Yes, he walked out on his physically handicapped first wife and mother of his children (the woman who waited patiently and faithfully at home for years while he was a prisoner of the Viet Cong) in order to live in sin with a pretty young woman who was half his age, but, hey, boys will be boys, right?

• Yes, he graduated from the Naval Academy in the bottom one percent of his class, but what’s wrong with a little humility?

• Yes, he will agree to pull US troops out of Iraq when the Iraqi government asks us to leave, but that is subject to change if the Iraqi government really does ask us to leave.

• Yes, he spent months berating Obama because he had not been to Iraq recently, but then he regrouped and accused Obama of conducting a campaign stunt when he took up the challenge.

• Yes, he admits that he knows nothing about economics, but he does know that the bad economy is all just in our heads anyway.

• Yes, he was a part of the Keating Five corruption scandal, but so were the other four.

• Yes, he supports off-shore drilling, but it has nothing to do with his windfall donations from Big Oil.

• Yes, Barack has Oprah, but McBush will always have Paris!

• Yes, he was photographed hugging Bush, but they didn't kiss - at least not in front of the cameras!

Exxon-McBush '08!

Obama's Mamas

Barack Obama has had some stellar endorsements within the past few weeks, and surprisingly, at least to me, several have come from Hillary Clinton’s strongest demographic: middle-aged and older white females.

Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg endorsed the Illinois senator a couple of weeks ago in an editorial in the New York Times. She said that she came to that decision after listening to her three teenage children, Rose, Tatianya, and Jack, who felt that Obama offered America the kind of optimistic challenges that their grandfather had put forth in 1960. Kennedy Schlossberg immediately went out on the campaign trail with the candidate adding the luster of her presence to the vitality of his.

Clare McCaskill, Missouri’s newest U.S. Senator and a rising star in her own right, has endorsed Obama and is featured in some of his national television commercials. McCaskill said that she, too, was influenced by the excitement that his campaign instilled in young people, particularly her own daughter.

Governor Janet Napolitano of Arizona climbed on the Obama bandwagon several weeks ago. She helped him campaign in Nevada and Arizona, and has done television commercials for the candidate. Napolitano, a dynamo in her own right, has energized the Obama campaign in the Southwest.

Governor Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas endorsed Obama, a Kansas native. Sebelius is a strong Democratic political figure in the very red state of Kansas. She is also the daughter of a former governor of Ohio, the popular John J. Gilligan.

Three of Bobby Kennedy’s children endorsed Billary, but Mama knows best. Ethel Kennedy, ignoring her wayward offspring, threw her Camelot clout to Barack Obama.

The Governor of California may have cast his lot with John McCain, but California’s First Lady, Maria Shriver Schwarzenegger, a Kennedy cousin, walked onto the stage at an Obama rally this weekend and announced her endorsement of him. Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the California Governor’s Mansion!

And then there are two other endorsements that, while they do not come from the ranks of middle-aged white females, do bear a significant influence on that particular demographic. Oprah, an enthusiastic Obama supporter, is clearly one of the most influential women in the world, and her opinion matters – especially to women.

The second endorsement of note comes from Garrison Keillor, the creator and host of the radio program, A Prairie Home Companion. Keillor’s radio persona is beloved by millions, especially older Americans – of both sexes. His character hails from Lake Woebegone, Minnesota, where “the women are strong, the men are good looking, and the children are above average.” And Keillor’s women are indeed strong, but their hearts (or at least his) belong to Obama.

It must be mentioned that not every notable middle-aged white woman has jumped The Good Ship Billary to endorse Obama. One case in point is the anorexic, hate-mongering hag – Ann Coulter. Coulter has threatened that if John McCain is the Republican nominee, she will campaign for the “more conservative” Hillary Clinton. That should knock Billary down ten or twenty points in the polls!

Go, go! Go, Johnny go!

Whimsey

by Rocky Macy

Hillary, dillary, dock
Barack ran up the clock
Where he spoke with a passion
(As was his fashion)
Of ending the war in Iraq.

Hillary, dillary, bump
Oprah's on the stump
She's extolling the masses
To get off their asses
And make Barack's numbers jump.