Pentagon Pete's Lean, Mean, Christian, White, Male Fighting Machine

by Pa Rock

Veteran

When it comes to crafting the world's finest and fiercest fighting force, Pentagon Pete, today's military equivalent of Wile E. Coyote, knows exactly the type of troops he wants to see standing tall (and lean and mean) in its ranks:  able-bodied, young, Christian, white men who are oozing testosterone, a sea of pretty faces atop hard bodies who know how to fill out a uniform.   Fatties, gays, racial and ethnic minorities, women, and other misshapen heathen can go fight for Canada.   When Pete's "men" march at the head of the parade for the Second Coming, they will be in pitch-perfect lockstep and appearance - and Pete will be shirtless, in olive-drab gym shorts, jogging beside them.

What a glorious day that will be!  

Yesterday, US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth met with 600 junior officers (O-3) and enlisted leaders (E-6) where he delivered a "State of the Force" address at the Marine Corps Base in Quantico, Virginia.  Word had gone out ahead of time that commanders were to send only sharp-looking personnel to the event, the same requirement that had been in effect for military invitations to Trump's birthday cage-fighting event.

While speaking yesterday, the Defense Secretary announced a 20% leadership cut that would focus on generals and admirals, the introduction of a new drone warfare command, the planning of a new military base, and a partnership with tech leaders like Elon Musk for development of a new generation of weapons.

(Giving Musk access to US military weapons development?  What could possibly go wrong?)

Hegseth also had this to say about the department he fancies himself to be creating:

"We are no longer the woke department or the weak department.  Simple translation of that:  No fatties, no trannies, no beardos, no weirdos, no wimps, no radicals.  Just warriors.  Just tough, ready, committed troops!  The ideological clowns are out.  The patriotic cowboys are in with testosterone testing on top!"

Hey, Peter Perfect, project much?  Does your definition of "radicals" include those lunatic "Christian nationalists?"  Probably not.   

Pete, I realize you are a proud member of the Trump administration, and I am also fully aware of that group's open disdain of science and research, but as a fellow human I feel an obligation to share with you some scientific research on the subject of testosterone that I found on the internet through the use of Artificial Intelligence, a scientific and engineering development the Trump administration does support.

First, with your announced plan to test the testosterone levels of all male troops, you should know that an increase in testosterone will not only serve to increase aggression in military combat situations, it will also increase the chances of physical aggression toward domestic partners at home.  The men become more deadly fighters - on the battlefield and around the house.

And second, an increase in testosterone from an outside source correlates with a decrease in testicle size.  When the brain recognizes higher than usual hormone levels in the blood, it stops producing signaling hormones that tell testicles to work, and an atrophy occurs with testicle shrinkage often between 15 and 50 percent.

With the military's penchant for naming all big maneuvers, Pete, perhaps you could call the mandatory testosterone testing and subsequent treatment "Operation Balls to Marbles."  Just a thought.

As someone who has spent several years both in uniform and working as a civilian for the military, I wish you no success in your effort to dismantle a system that has worked well for more than two centuries, but I take comfort in knowing that in a little over two years, you will be unemployed and the US military, whatever is left of it, will be marching onward.

Perhaps you should look at opening a modeling agency in your next life, Pete.  You might be good at that.