The Benjamin Button Effect

by Pa Rock
Birthday Boy

A year ago today was Easter Sunday, a very early Easter Sunday. I have no idea when it will be this year, but I remember last year's because it happened to fall on my 60th birthday. Today instead of turning 61, I have decided to start counting backward. So, if anybody asks (or cares), I now consider myself to be fifty-nine. I'm calling this new math The Benjamin Button Effect in honor of Brad Pitt's character in that movie that I never got around to watching. My gut on this is that if I can convince myself that I am getting younger, better health has to follow.

I like birthdays because all of my kids call and check in. Molly called first, while I was still at work. It is apparently cold in Oregon today, and she and Sebastian were hanging around the house. He got on the phone and chattered a bit to me. Boone called after I got home. We talked about school and things like that. He will be representing his fourth grade class in the county spelling bee again this year. He has represented his class every year since kindergarten. Boone is a spelling machine! Nick also got on the phone and talked awhile. Boone told me that his Dad has lots of customers at his business - and I am very glad about that! Tim called in last. He and I talk on-line fairly regularly. We will all be together in Las Vegas in less that three weeks (minus Boone and Sebastian) to support Tim as one of his works that was made into a movie is shown at the Las Vegas Film Festival.

I also made my daily call to my Dad tonight, and he surprised me by remembering my birthday. I wonder if I will be around when my kids hit 60 and then start back into their fifties? Anything is possible, but in case I am not here, I am secure in the knowledge that they all know how proud I am of them - and how much I love them!

I also had birthday calls yesterday from Missouri friends Carla Turnbough Brown and Imogene Knaust - both a couple of December girls! And my niece, Tiffany Smith (a proud new mom), put a birthday message on my Facebook wall. I feel really special!

The Real Deal New York Pizza

by Pa Rock
Food Editor

This morning we awoke to snow and miserably cold weather. Our first stop of the day was the Metropolitan Museum of Art which was a two-bus trip from our hotel. Carla and I managed to navigate it on our own, and we were deservedly proud of that accomplishment! The snow managed to quit while we were inside, without too much in the way of accumulation.

The Metropolitan is a class act, and much more interesting (to me at least) than the Natural History Museum. We saw displays of Egyptian art and tomb treasures, Roman art and sarcophagi, and Greek art and household items. It was all pretty amazing stuff. I'm glad to see museums preserving art and giving people a chance to experience it, but I have some negative feelings about robbing graves in the name of art.

One of my favorite paintings is A View of Toledo by the Spanish artist El Greco. I stumbled upon it almost by accident at the Metropolitan this morning. A lady and I took turns just standing in front of that masterpiece and soaking up the complexity of the work. That lady, a total stranger, assured me that the gift shop sold prints of the painting, but when I tried to buy one, the fourteen-year-old sales clerk told me that they did not have it in stock. But I was told that you do, I argued. By whom? A tourist, I replied. He gave me one of those looks that said, "I don't get paid enough for this crap!" Later I did find a postcard of the painting. It was a steal at only a buck-fifty!

The Metropolitan has a multitude of naked sculptures. I kept thinking about John Ashcroft and wondering how nuts he would make himself trying to get everything covered up! If he knew that hordes of school children walk among all of that marble nudity every day, shamelessly viewing stone breasts and penises, he would probably be outside protesting and trying to get the place shut down!

We had a snack at the museum - lemon bars for $3.50 each! When it came time for lunch we exited the building and decided to look for something better and more reasonable. We had gone only about half of a block on Madison Avenue when we came to the very small City Market Cafe. They had a great assortment of sandwiches, pizza, and baked goods - and the aromas drew us in. We both had a big slice of pizza and a diet coke - for a total of eleven dollars and change. The pizza was real deal New York, and had to be folded in order to be picked up and eaten. It was the single best meal that I have had in this city!

The City Market Cafe delivers. If you would like to call them up and punk them, their number is 212-535-2070. Or, if you are in New York, stop in as absorb some real food. The cafe is located at 1100 Madison Avenue. In addition to pizza, they also serve up grilled paninis, homemade soups, fresh fruit smoothies, tossed salads made to order, a good variety of coffees and espressos, and pastries and desserts.

This evening we are having dinner at Tavern on the Green in Central Park, and then will be seeing In the Heights, a Tony award-winning musical.

Being on vacation is rough work, but somebody has to do it!

Bright Lights, Big City!

by Pa Rock
Streetwalker

Our group left Kansas City early this morning, in what seems like a whole other lifetime. We had a short flight to Detroit which was blanketed in snow, beautiful snow, followed by another short flight to the Big Apple. The only snag in today's adventure was that one of the airport baggage throwers somehow managed to rip the handle off of my suitcase.

Our first (and only, so far) celebrity sighting was Mr. Al Roker of the Today Show who was boarding a flight at LaGuardia next to the gate where we arrived. Dapper Al was dressed to the nines in a black suit and top coat, and crowned with a black, wide-brimmed felt hat with a bright blue feather in the band.

After checking in at our hotel, the Hilton Garden Inn, our entire group walked to Ellen's Stardust Diner for a meal. The waiters were all singers, loud and aggressive singers with dreams of making it on Broadway - which was very close by. They sang songs of the fifties and sixties, and served and waited tables between numbers. One of them said that every musical currently playing on Broadway has at least one former waiter from Ellen's in the cast.

After supper we walked a few blocks to Rockefeller Plaza and watched the ice skaters. Carla and I separated from the group after that and strolled over to Fifth Avenue. Soon we were on Broadway right at Times Square - which isn't square at all. The enormous billboards and lights were amazing. All of the shows that we will be seeing this week were right there - and it is just a couple of blocks from our hotel!

Carla asked me if I would like to live here, and I think that I would. Of course, for that to happen I would have to have many layers of clothing and come up with a grocery cart!

Everything's Up to Date in Kansas City: They've Gone About as Fer as They Can Go!

by Pa Rock
Tourist

It's been a busy day in Kansas City. Tim and Erin and I had brunch at Tom Foolerie's on the Plaza with Carla and her daughter, Jennie. It was a get-acquainted session so the kids could meet the parents - great food and conversation.

I tagged along with Tim and Erin after brunch to a visit to the Kansas City Farmers' Market which covers a nice piece of real estate in the center of town. The market had a wide array of farm-fresh fruits and vegetables, along with some very interesting places to eat. We followed that up with a trip to a large flea market - where I behaved and didn't drag anything back to their apartment!

Erin had a family obligation this afternoon, so Tim and I went exploring on our own. We had great pizza at a place by the name of Minsky's, and followed that with a trip to really fancy grocery store. Cosentino's, the grocery, had several deli and speciality shops, and a wide array of groceries ranging from staple foods to gourmet items. I observed a little girl begging her parents for a small bottle of "root beer milk," so I had to have one as well! (It was that type of shopping trip!) Before leaving, we had samples of gelato and wound up buying cups of that as well. My flavors were caramel and coconut cream pie - um, um, good!

Cosentino's had shiny black grocery carts that navigated beautifully as long as they were inside of the store. As soon as a cart left the premisis, it's wheels would lock up! This country boy was amazed - everything really is up to date in Kansas City! (My inner social worker is very concerned about the future of homeless people if these new-fangled carts catch on!)

Tomorrow morning Carla and I are headed to New York City!

Ann Coulter and the Quest for the Larry Craig Memorial Bathroom Stall

by Pa Rock
Tourist

It has been a long, hard day on the road. I woke up at my apartment in Goodyear fifteen hours ago, drove to Phoenix, caught a flight to Minneapolis,and flew from there to Kansas City. Carla met me at the airport in Kansas City and gave me a tour of the places here that are important in her life. As we talked and got reacquainted, forty years of our divergent lives slipped quietly away. We capped off the evening at a restaurant called the Peachtree that specializes in soul food and soulful jazz. Carla's good friend, Millie Edwards, was singing there along with a very talented keyboard player and bassist. I could have listened to that sweet music all night long!

Today was my first visit to the great state of Minnesota, brief though it was. There was a blanket of snow on the ground that was truly beautiful from the air, especially to my old Ozark eyes that have been deprived of the sight of snow for a couple of years now. I saw lots of barren, white countryside as we were descending. It reminded me of flying over the tundra on a flight out of Sweden a few years back.

The Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport does not appear to be too large, though I did hear a couple of overhead pages about boarding for the Tokyo flight. One of my main objectives while there was to try and locate the Larry Craig Memorial Bathroom Stall. But try as I might, I couldn't find any signs pointing to the most famous tourist attraction at the MSP Airport - or probably in the entire state of Minnesota for that matter! I'm sure there must at least be a brass marker somewhere, but I missed it. Oh well, maybe I'll break down and ask for directions during my return flight next Sunday.

I did cruise through a couple of bookstores at the airport - a weakness of mine. One of the things that I enjoy doing in small bookstores is finding books by Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly and turning them around or around and over. When I am in larger bookstores, my thing is to take Coulter and O'Reilly books and hide them. I get a kick out of hearing befuddled sales clerks telling people, "That's odd. We had two-hundred-and-fifty copies of that book just before lunch."

Ann Coulter, a bitter, right-wing opinionator who is to journalism what Nancy Grace is to law enforcement (completely useless), has a new piece of trash out entitled Guilty, which she has been shamelessly hawking on any media outlet that will put up with her. (You undoubtedly heard about her flap with the Today Show where she finally bullied her way onto the program.) One of the Minnesota bookstores today had just a few copies of Guilty, and I quickly turned them all around so that Annie's face wouldn't unduly distress the harried travellers who wandered in for a candy bar or newspaper. There was another bookstore, however, that had at least a hundred copies of her latest bound doggerel forming a ceiling-to-floor wall of fear. I debated what action to take and finally left it alone. That is another challenge that will have to wait until the return flight next Sunday!

What Happened in Vegas...

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

I am headed to New York City in about a week-and-a-half with my former college girlfriend, Miss Carla (whom I haven't seen in decades!) and a group of faculty and theatre students from Baker University in Kansas City. It will be my first trip to the Big Apple, and I am very excited about getting to renew an old friendship and to get to see all of the sights - especially Broadway!

We are scheduled to see three musicals and have opportunities to schedule other nights at the theatre as well. One of the three that we will be seeing is Jersey Boys, a history of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. That upcoming treat has gotten me to remembering my own personal history with the Four Seasons. It happened in Vegas...

In the early and mid-1990's I was selling real estate, doing Child Protection for the state of Missouri, and dating Miss Susan, a young and vivacious kindergarten teacher. Because of her work schedule and my poor-paying jobs, we were limited in our travels to cheap vacations in the summers. We did New Orleans once (which was a blast!) and Las Vegas twice.

Las Vegas in August is comparable only to Phoenix in August or perhaps the waiting room of Hell on an especially busy day! It's no place for the feint-of-heart. Vegas is somewhat more tolerable than the other two in that it is possible to walk through many air-conditioned casinos on the strip without ever venturing outside. On those occasions when we were forced to go outside for any reason, the heat was unbelievably brutal.

(Anywhere there were trees the shady ground was covered with homeless people who were, in turn, covered in newspapers to protect them from the blistering sun when it broke through the patchy shade. I also remember little birds diving into the swimming pools treating them as if they were elegant birdbaths.)

During our first visit to this desert oasis we stayed at the Palace Station Hotel which was off of the strip and therefore cheaper than the bigger name hotels. The Palace Station recently became somewhat famous for being the scene of an armed robbery committed by O.J. Simpson and some of his buddies. We saw a few of the bargain shows that were advertised on our flight out and with coupons scattered around town. One was an excellent Polynesian review that came with a really good meal. We also took in a drag queen show and saw the famous dancers at the Tropicana. It was during our second visit that we decided to splurge and see a big name production.

The show that we selected was at the Desert Inn (whose famous penthouse had been the home of Howard Hughes during several of his recluse years). We were able to score tickets to the opening night of a combo production that featured Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons followed by a performance of Gladys Knight (sans the Pips). If memory serves, we paid an astounding $35.00 for the pair of tickets!

There is (or was at that time) an added surcharge to the price of the tickets, depending on whether you wanted to be able to see the stage or not. Someone explained to me while we were in line to be seated, that quality of seating depended on the size of the tip that you gave to usher when you presented him with your tickets. We were able to land in decent seats with a good view for a ten dollar gratuity, though there were many better seats right down in front of the stage that undoubtedly went to the high rollers and really big tippers.

Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons (the original Jersey Boys) were just beginning a reunion tour after a hiatus of several years, so there was a lot of excitement surrounding their opening night at the Desert Inn. They went through most of their song catalogue in a couple of hours on stage. The audience had grown up with their music, and most were unabashedly singing along with every number. At one point I remember Valli pointing his microphone toward that audience and saying, "Ah, hell. You know the words, you sing it." And we did!

A highlight of their show came when Frankie announced that there were some celebrities in the audience. First he introduced Levi Stubbs and one other member of the Four Tops (I can't remember which one) who were sitting down front at the expensive tables. And then he introduced Frankie Avalon. The lights panned the area by the stage, but he wasn't there. Then they swung back in our area and revealed Annette Funicello's former beach bunny honey sitting two tables behind us. He stood and waved to the screaming crowd, and then sat back down and resumed his conversation with his pretty, and very young, date. My pretty, and very young, date watched them for the remainder of the show. When the Four Seasons ended their portion of the evening, Mr. Avalon and his date exited the club.

That was my last trip to Vegas, but I am close enough that I may drive up there one day and see how much things have changed. I wonder if I can still get a pair of tickets to a really good show for thirty-five dollars?

And Miss Carla, don't be too shocked when I start singing along with the Jersey Boys!

Christmas At Denny's

by Pa Rock

It's hard to be overly festive on the holidays when one is celebrating alone, but I have managed to keep myself amused all day. Over the past twenty-four hours each of my children and grandchildren have phoned in to check on their desert rat dad, and I have called my Dad to see how his holiday is going is going. My sister and niece were at his house when I called, and he had had several visitors.

The first order of business this morning was to open the present sent by my good friend from college, Carla Turnbough Brown. It arrived a week ago, and Ms. Carla had been quite specific that it wasn't to be opened until Christmas. The present was a beautiful glass Christmas tree ornament of our old alma mater, Southwest Missouri State of Springfield, MO. (Don't try to find it on a map, it is now Missouri State University.) Carla and I talked quite a while on the phone discussing Christmas ornaments, college days, our kids, and our upcoming trip to New York City in January. (It will be the first time that we have seen each other in nearly forty years!)

My next project was to re-pot some cactus and clean up some of the mess on my balcony. Cactus, of course, can stay out year-round in Arizona. I didn't get completely done with that project, but I did make noticeable progress. I also started cleaning out closets. I would like to get rid of all of my piles by the time this weekend is over.

After the cleaning spurt subsided, I got in the car and drove off looking for a movie or a place to eat Christmas lunch. Lunch happened first when I discovered that the local Denny's was open - and packed! I sat at the counter and ordered one of their Damned Slams - 4,000 calories when 400 would have been sufficient! From my stool I was able to see the entire kitchen operation where six cooks spun around and weaved in and out of each other's work spaces with the skill and determination of ballet stars. It was kind of watching Holiday on Ice, much better than television! There must have been fifteen waiters and waitresses doing their dance across the restaurant. I only saw two plates dropped, and one of those was the fault of the manager. The most amazing aspect of this experience was how well everyone seemed to be working together, and how happy they all appeared to be. I guess if you have to work on Christmas, you might as well get jolly! I tipped very well!

This afternoon I went to the gym - to work off some of that Damned Slam. Tonight I have a ticket to see Doubt, so by tomorrow I should be raging about pedophile priests and hateful nuns!

Feliz Navidad!

Election Day in Kansas City!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

My youngest son, Tim, and his lady, Erin, live in downtown Kansas City, MO, in a gentrified area called Quality Hill. Tim sent me the following account of their early morning voting experience:

Erin and I made ourselves go to bed early last night so that we would be less likely to "not hear" the alarm clock this morning when it started reminding us to go vote this morning at 5AM. We each rolled out of bed at 5:15AM, took little care in our appearances and hoofed it beneath the stars just less than half a block to a retirement home that was to be our polling place. When we arrived at 5:30 we were surprised to see only 20 voters ahead of us. The locals news had warned of more. To be sure, within fifteen minutes there were another 100 voters behind us. There was much laughter and a little shivering in the chilly wind but, being November 4th, it could have been considerably colder and/or wetter.

At 6AM the doors opened and the line carried us into the heart of this retirement home where many elderly folks greeted us with a smile. 6AM is their time of the day like 11PM is my time of the day. Several women drove scooters in circles through the tables setting out sharp pencils. A variety of men and women ran the table, signing us all in and giving us the option of using a paper ballot or waiting in line for the one electronic ballot. We chose paper. To my surprise, privacy did not play any part in the voting process. Some cardboard boxes had been cut out in the shape of a tiny wall but the majority of us sat and voted in plain sight of all the passersby. I tried not to look as I carried my paper ballot to a far table.

Yesterday, Erin and I both made an attempt to educate ourselves on the lesser known ballot initiatives so it wouldn't be a guessing situation. A lightrail, gambling loss limits, sewage water treatment, the "correct" language to be spoken at all official public meetings... relatively easy choices (the gambling loss limit one could have gone either direction... being a former blackjack dealer--having watched middle-aged men and women cry at the table and tell me that they couldn't go home until they won some of their money back... I had to go with my heart on that one). The difficult part was the list of judges. Most of the names of the 15 or so judges were unfamiliar to me. Next time... I will better prep myself in that area.

The excitement of finally seeing Obama/Biden on the ticket made the morning worth the long and sleepy day that will surely follow. The printed names were the culmination of a long, difficult campaign season... the beginning of which is filed in my memory alongside beginnings such as the first cell phone I ever saw or the first time I emailed someone... it happened, but I don't remember when or the exact circumstances.

As we walked out the line held steady at around 200 people. The wind died down and the sun shone strong overhead. Missouri law mandates that employees be given three hours to vote with prior notice to their employers and the voters all knew it. I overheard one man tell the older woman next to him that he hadn't voted in twenty years. She said "shame on you and good for you" all in one breath.

Tonight Erin and I will watch the results coming in with our friends in Lawrence at a dinner party. Tomorrow we'll sleep later and better knowing that our eight-year nightmare has been successfully exercised (that feels like the appropriate verb) from our anxiety-riddled lives through the time-tested process of democracy. What will root in its place remains to be seen but the cleansing motion will at least get us back within arm's reach of that temporarily misplaced feeling of hope that we all require.

Lastly, with my "I voted" sticker I'm entitled to a variety of free services and products in the KC Metro area. The best of which are clearly a Krispy Kreme donut, a large coffee from Starbucks, free ice cream at Ben and Jerry's, a Chick-Fil-A sandwich and a free body piercing. Should be an interesting day.

And Carla, a special friend of mine from our college days in the 1960's, voted early in Independence, MO, Harry Truman's hometown. Carla sent these comments about her voting experience in the Kansas City area:

Just returned from voting at my tiny polling place which normally has four machines. Today they had eight machines. I arrived at 5:50 AM and the parking lot at the church was filled. I parked in an empty field. I waited in line 45 minutes to vote. While waiting in line, I thought I'd call Daughter No. 1 in St. Louis and warn her about the lines - she was already in line at 6 AM and was still waiting to get in to vote when I called Daughter No. 2 to prod her along at 6:50. At least they learned some things from me.

In my adult life I do not remember waiting in line that long ever to vote for anything! (Of course, I don't remember what I did for lunch yesterday!) Keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer. I was just reminded that the Democratic Watch Party in Chicago tonight is in the same park where demonstrators were beaten in 1968.

And now I am planted in front of my television set waiting to see how the rest of Missouri voted. From what Tim and Carla reported, the numbers will be huge!

GOBAMA!