by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist
This past week my congressman (kinda, sorta), Jason Smith, a Republican out of Salem, Missouri, sent around a brochure touting his achievements in Washington. According to the front page, the mailing was "prepared, published, and mailed at taxpayer expense." That's a nice little perk for incumbent congressmen that their opponents would have to pay for out of their own pockets. (Politicians taking care of themselves, one must suppose - it is what it is.)
Smith, a 39-year-old bachelor who sleeps in his congressional office on the few days that Congress is in session (a nice, untaxed benefit), became infamous a couple of years ago when he yelled at Democratic Rep. Tony Cardenas of California - while Cardenas was at the podium - that he should "go back to Puerto Rico!" Smith later apologized for his boorish and adolescent behavior.
But back to the brochure that came in the mail this week:
The document was primarily a campaign brochure that featured a some photos of the congressman meeting with constituents - and a couple of shots of him with Trump. There were also a few effusive statements about Trump's "successes" in office - most of which were spurious at best. The fact that the brochure was primarily a campaign document was revealed on the cover which featured an article entitled "Impeachment Update: A Partisan Witch Hunt" which was posted right next to the recipient's name and address so the poor sod - in this case me - could not miss it. Apparently in addition to being Trump's partisan stooge, Congressman Smith is also his pet parrot!
The most memorable quote in the entire newsletter also ran on the cover page. In a highlighted box just beneath a picture of Smith and Trump, was a title that read "Congressman Smith Continues to Stand Hand in Hand with the President."
"Hand in hand?" Really, Jason? Aside from the unwanted gay imagery that remark conjures up, the notion of anyone even touching Trump's hand is repulsive! Was it the same hand that Trump has used to grab women by their genitalia? Is it the hand that probed the mouths of Miss Universe contestants while checking their teeth? Is it the same hand that he uses to flush over and over and over again because of his bizarre toilet fetish?
Congressman Smith, you and I are unlikely to ever agree on any important issues, but we should force ourselves to agree on acceptable standards of public health. You can't do anything about the abject filth surrounding Donald Trump and his billionaire lifestyle, but you can - and you must - take basic precautions with regard to your own health. If one of your hands has been in contact with one of Trump's tiny hands - you should wash yours, vigorously! Use a wire brush and some of Granny Clampett's lye soap and scrub that sucker for all its worth!
Wash that hand, Congressman! Wash that hand!
(No need to thank me for the sage medical advice.)
Citizen Journalist
This past week my congressman (kinda, sorta), Jason Smith, a Republican out of Salem, Missouri, sent around a brochure touting his achievements in Washington. According to the front page, the mailing was "prepared, published, and mailed at taxpayer expense." That's a nice little perk for incumbent congressmen that their opponents would have to pay for out of their own pockets. (Politicians taking care of themselves, one must suppose - it is what it is.)
Smith, a 39-year-old bachelor who sleeps in his congressional office on the few days that Congress is in session (a nice, untaxed benefit), became infamous a couple of years ago when he yelled at Democratic Rep. Tony Cardenas of California - while Cardenas was at the podium - that he should "go back to Puerto Rico!" Smith later apologized for his boorish and adolescent behavior.
But back to the brochure that came in the mail this week:
The document was primarily a campaign brochure that featured a some photos of the congressman meeting with constituents - and a couple of shots of him with Trump. There were also a few effusive statements about Trump's "successes" in office - most of which were spurious at best. The fact that the brochure was primarily a campaign document was revealed on the cover which featured an article entitled "Impeachment Update: A Partisan Witch Hunt" which was posted right next to the recipient's name and address so the poor sod - in this case me - could not miss it. Apparently in addition to being Trump's partisan stooge, Congressman Smith is also his pet parrot!
The most memorable quote in the entire newsletter also ran on the cover page. In a highlighted box just beneath a picture of Smith and Trump, was a title that read "Congressman Smith Continues to Stand Hand in Hand with the President."
"Hand in hand?" Really, Jason? Aside from the unwanted gay imagery that remark conjures up, the notion of anyone even touching Trump's hand is repulsive! Was it the same hand that Trump has used to grab women by their genitalia? Is it the hand that probed the mouths of Miss Universe contestants while checking their teeth? Is it the same hand that he uses to flush over and over and over again because of his bizarre toilet fetish?
Congressman Smith, you and I are unlikely to ever agree on any important issues, but we should force ourselves to agree on acceptable standards of public health. You can't do anything about the abject filth surrounding Donald Trump and his billionaire lifestyle, but you can - and you must - take basic precautions with regard to your own health. If one of your hands has been in contact with one of Trump's tiny hands - you should wash yours, vigorously! Use a wire brush and some of Granny Clampett's lye soap and scrub that sucker for all its worth!
Wash that hand, Congressman! Wash that hand!
(No need to thank me for the sage medical advice.)
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