Saturday, April 27, 2019

Evangelicals Keep It Classy

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Evangelical Christians would like for us to believe that they set the points on the humanity's moral compass and that their attitudes and behaviors are examples that other mere mortals should strive to emulate, if for no other reason than to eventually score immortal salvation.  But as evangelicals mix their piety with the political realities of the modern world, some invariably wind up  looking anything but pious. As a handy example, just this past week former Minnesota congresswoman, Michele Bachmann, managed to get herself quoted in the national press as describing thrice-married, pussy-grabbing Donald Trump as "biblical" and "godly."

Now, not to be outdone by the ramblings of a former member of Congress, evangelist Franklin Graham has gone on record as describing Melania Trump as the "classiest" First Lady ever.  (Complete photographic evidence of Mrs. Trump's unabashed classiness is available throughout the internet - but it should not be viewed by minors or people with weak hearts!)

The bottom line, of course, is that evangelical "Christians" are so anxious to have a conservative in the White House who will give voice to their biases and bigotries, that they are willing to overlook the most fundamental character flaws.

The irony of these moral windbags trying to tell anyone else how to live is very rich indeed, and the evangelical movement is literally home to more depravity that any novel by the Marquis de Sade.  Consider these embarrassing indiscretions:

Ted Haggard, the founder and leader of the New Life (Mega) Church in Colorado Springs, was serving as the president of the National Association of Evangelicals in 2006 when his male prostitute boyfriend turned him in for using the services of a prostitute and for purchasing and using crystal meth.  And then there was Jim Bakker, a famous television evangelist whose secretary accused him of drugging and raping her.  Bakker was ultimately sentenced to 45 years in prison for accounting fraud.

Or Fred Phelps, a Bible-thumper and family church/cult leader from Kansas who earned his evangelical stripes by demonizing gays and protesting at funerals and gay pride events.  Old Fred died a couple of years ago, but his family is still out there terrorizing decent people around the globe.

Jimmy Swaggart was a nationally known television evangelist who was eventually brought low by a fondness for pornography, prostitutes, and compromising positions involving BDSM.

Tony Alamo was also another evangelical minister who found it hard to stay out of the news.  Brother Tony went off of the deep end when his wife died.  He kept her embalmed body on public display for four months as he patiently awaited her resurrection.  Then, after the poor woman was finally buried, the righteous pastor turned his attention to young girls.  He married an eight-year-old girl and was eventually arrested for child sex-trafficking and pedophilia.

Those are just a few of the many fallen evangelicals whose sexual indiscretions and twisted moralities litter the Highway to Hell.  As any basic internet search will reveal in short order, there are many, many more.  The people who are the quickest to tell the rest of us how to live are often the most likely to fall into the flames of moral depravity and hypocrisy.

If you want to determine someone's godliness or classiness, ask yourself if you would let them babysit your grandchildren.  If they fail that test, no amount of religious puffery will make them truly righteous.

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