Arizonans awoke to some potentially good news this morning. Our mean-spirited governor, crotchety old Jan Brewer, is missing. Unfortunately, as soon as her absence was noted in the press, Brewer's staff rushed to clarify that she is at an undisclosed location doing the state's business. She left Sunday and will be returning on Saturday afternoon.
So just where is the Sand Hag? Well, that is apparently a state secret. Just know this, Arizona, she is out there somewhere doing our official business, which is sand-speak for the taxpayers are picking up her travel tab.
My guess is that she is not busy attending a week of charm school, although the benefits to the state from such an endeavor would potentially be priceless. It is also doubtful that she has traveled to Oz in order to ask the Wizard for a heart. That, too, would be well worth the expense of the junket.
It is far more likely that she is shopping - perhaps buying white sheets in bulk for the state legislature's holiday party.
Another possibility is that she has taken a a page from the Mark Sanford playbook and is out getting some much needed rest and relaxation (which would benefit the state immensely) by walking the Appalachian Trail. Or perhaps she has flown off to Buenos Aires for some much needed recreation with a handsome, but blind, gaucho. The horror, the horror!
Or maybe it is a state beautification project that Jan is out promoting. She could be checked into a clinic somewhere undergoing plastic surgery - or holed up in a garage awaiting a date with a sandblaster.
Where's Jan? Who the hell cares - but with Arizona's rotten luck, she will be back on Saturday!
Cry for us, Argentina!