Sunday, June 6, 2010

Revenge of the Machines!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

The fact that Arizona has at least double its share of stupid people is beyond argument - facts are facts - they're here - read the papers - come count them! Just walk down any street wearing a good tan or eating a taco and see how long it takes for some drunken, armed gringo with an IQ of 12 to demand a look-see at your papers. This state thrives on stupidity - and is damned proud of it!

I used to think all of the racist craziness around here was just the result of a worn-out gene pool, and that is undoubtedly some of the cause. But now I am coming to the conclusion that the unrelenting heat also fries brain cells faster than Joe Arpaio can form a posse or assemble a press conference! (That theory could explain why people who wear sombreros are smarter than most of the locals!)

Today I have sadly arrived at the conclusion that the heat also impacts our machinery. I was at the gym this morning trying to do my standard hour on the evil treadmill. The infernal walking machine shut down seven times in twenty-minutes, finally sending me to the showers.

Later I decided to take in a movie - Take Him to the Greek - which seemed to be a really funny sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll flick. I say "seemed to be" because the projector shut itself down twice during the first half-hour of the movie. Management finally threw in the towel and gave everyone a pass to come back and see any movie at a later date. On the way out of the theatre I watched a popcorn machine overheat and begin spewing smoke!

I stopped for gas after the show, and standing in the awful hotness filing the tank on my truck could have been partially avoided if the gas nozzle would have allowed itself to be set on automatic - but that was not about to happen on the hottest day of the year! Instead of going inside and getting a soda while the machine pumped the gas, I had to stand there, hand-clasped-to-nozzle, in the blazing sun watching the cost of my purchase slowly climb into the stratosphere!

And once I got home, my computer wouldn't cooperate with my most basic desires! Google? Google! We ain't got no stinking Google! WTF!

I am doubtful that free will even exists in this wretched desert. Life here is nothing more than an instinctual reaction to the brutal heat - even for the machines!

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