by Pa Rock
This recession (depression?) doesn't have many bright spots, but one small one is that I don't seem to be receiving nearly as much junk mail as I did even just a year ago. And the unwanted stuff that does land in my mailbox seems to be of a higher quality, or at least more interesting, than the crap that used to be wadded up with my first class mail.
Yesterday, for example, I received a very neat little piece of mail from an organization called The Neptune Society. The small envelope looked expensive, like something that might hold a formal invitation to something special. There was a notation on the front that read "Take care your your New Year's resolution today!" The backside had the return address of The Neptune Society in Tempe, AZ, along with a logo of a large ocean wave.
In my hand I had an unopened fancy envelope that looked like it contained an invitation, a notice that I was going to get something worthy of being a New Year's resolution, and a company name and logo that strongly implied a beach setting. It was so obvious: I was going to be invited to buy a condo on the seashore. The clues were all there!
Imagine my surprise when I opened this missive and learned that the Neptune Society was focused on fire rather than water. It was a crematorium service selling pre-paid cremations. I have a philosophy on body disposal that is not conducive to cremation, but I'll get to that in a minute.
Anticipating that not everyone who opened their mailing would be amenable to parting with their cash for a barbecue in the sweet by-and-by, the Neptune Society dropped a baited hook into their offer. Anyone who would fill out an information card and request more details would be entered in a sweepstakes. Once each month a winner would be drawn from all entries and that winner would receive...are you ready for this?...a pre-paid cremation! Last month's winner was George C. Bryson!
I plan to partake of a green funeral when my time comes. Green funerals, like cremeations, are much cheaper than the morbid shows that the funeral industry has foisted into state laws and onto grieving families who feel to ashamed to haggle over prices when discussing the eternal comfort of the dearly departed. States with green funerals are allowing people to be buried unembalmed and in cardboard coffins that will quickly decompose. That way corpses become compost feeding nature instead of bloated poison meat locked in mahogany and concrete just taking up space - for eternity. And cremation? Well, that's just a waste of good plant food!
So, I'm still debating whether to give the Neptune Society my personal information or not. I hope to never have a need for their services, but a certificate for a pre-paid cremation would be a really unique gift that I could pass on to someone special for a birthday, or Christmas, or just to say "I'm thinking of you today!"