Come on Baby Light My Fire!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

This recession (depression?) doesn't have many bright spots, but one small one is that I don't seem to be receiving nearly as much junk mail as I did even just a year ago. And the unwanted stuff that does land in my mailbox seems to be of a higher quality, or at least more interesting, than the crap that used to be wadded up with my first class mail.

Yesterday, for example, I received a very neat little piece of mail from an organization called The Neptune Society. The small envelope looked expensive, like something that might hold a formal invitation to something special. There was a notation on the front that read "Take care your your New Year's resolution today!" The backside had the return address of The Neptune Society in Tempe, AZ, along with a logo of a large ocean wave.

In my hand I had an unopened fancy envelope that looked like it contained an invitation, a notice that I was going to get something worthy of being a New Year's resolution, and a company name and logo that strongly implied a beach setting. It was so obvious: I was going to be invited to buy a condo on the seashore. The clues were all there!

Imagine my surprise when I opened this missive and learned that the Neptune Society was focused on fire rather than water. It was a crematorium service selling pre-paid cremations. I have a philosophy on body disposal that is not conducive to cremation, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Anticipating that not everyone who opened their mailing would be amenable to parting with their cash for a barbecue in the sweet by-and-by, the Neptune Society dropped a baited hook into their offer. Anyone who would fill out an information card and request more details would be entered in a sweepstakes. Once each month a winner would be drawn from all entries and that winner would receive...are you ready for this?...a pre-paid cremation! Last month's winner was George C. Bryson!

I plan to partake of a green funeral when my time comes. Green funerals, like cremeations, are much cheaper than the morbid shows that the funeral industry has foisted into state laws and onto grieving families who feel to ashamed to haggle over prices when discussing the eternal comfort of the dearly departed. States with green funerals are allowing people to be buried unembalmed and in cardboard coffins that will quickly decompose. That way corpses become compost feeding nature instead of bloated poison meat locked in mahogany and concrete just taking up space - for eternity. And cremation? Well, that's just a waste of good plant food!

So, I'm still debating whether to give the Neptune Society my personal information or not. I hope to never have a need for their services, but a certificate for a pre-paid cremation would be a really unique gift that I could pass on to someone special for a birthday, or Christmas, or just to say "I'm thinking of you today!"

Green Funerals

Everyone knows that the funeral industry takes advantage of people when they are grieving and clearly vulnerable. In most states the laws regulating funerals have been written by lobbyists for the organizations of funeral directors, and they stipulate processes and products designed protect the monopoly and guarantee profits. A careful consumer might wonder why funerals are so expensive and why there are so few options. In most cases about the only decision the family gets to make is which casket (coffin) to purchase, and even the least expensive are still obscenely over-priced. Everything in the funeral extravaganza has a hefty price tag.

Embalming is an unnecessary expense. Why, in this age of refrigeration, does a corpse need to be embalmed? It’s necessary because the funeral industry says its necessary, and their paid lackeys, our legislators, made it a law. In many states there is a requirement to have a cement box to place the casket in? Why? It’s just one more way that funeral directors can pick pockets – and hide behind the law while they do it. And remember, the “law” came from them because most legislators don’t have the foggiest notion about what should comprise a proper burial or why.

Missouri recently had a court case in which funeral directors were forced to agree to allow individuals not licensed as funeral directors to sell caskets. They had a sweet monopoly going until they hit that speed bump!

But the funeral industry is about to face a significant threat to its monopolistic posture and greed. The concept of “Green Funerals” has gotten a foothold in several states, and the movement appears to be spreading. Green Funerals will not only save grief-stricken consumers money, they also offer the benefit of helping the environment.

Green Funerals are eco-friendly events that basically offer the dearly departed up as compost. The corpse is not embalmed, and the burial container might be a homemade casket, or, in some cases, biodegradable containers made out of recycled newspaper. The family might even choose to plant a tree over the grave so that the deceased might feed life into a growing monument.

When my time comes, I hope that my children honor my wishes and plant me in a green manner. I don’t care where I am buried, but I want the peace of mind of knowing that, even in death, I am providing an on-going benefit to others.

Anonymous said it best:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.