Mea Culpa

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

A couple of nights ago I spit some venom at the National Rifle Association - always an easy target. In the middle of that rant I also took a sideswipe at funeral directors, suggesting that those in Arizona might have lobbied for an especially heinous piece of gun legislation that permits employees to keep their guns in their cars, on company property, even if the company owner objects. The next morning there was a response, a very nice comment from a Mr. James Showers who identified himself as a funeral director. He was supportive of what I had written about the NRA and did not take me to task over my remark about his profession.

The point that I was trying to make was that this stupid law will increase deaths by guns - and of that there can be no doubt. But after Mr. Showers supportive reply to the post, I regret taking the cheap shot at funeral directors.

James Showers left no way to contact him, and I hope that he reads this and sends me an email (pa.rock.macy@gmail.com). A Google search revealed that he is most likely from Great Britain. I have written about the funeral industry before, especially with regard to green funerals, and I would like to hear how that concept is faring in Britain.

So, Mr. Showers, please accept my apology for disparaging funeral directors. I have known probably a dozen men (they always seem to be men) in this country who serve in that profession, and the ones with whom I have been acquainted have all been very nice. Of course, being pleasant-to-a-fault is practically a job requirement for those charged with dealing with grieving families. Unfortunately, the funeral directors whom I have known have also all been somewhat predatory. They were charming and wealthy, and they were always quick to show their top of the line boxes. It seems like it is just too easy to pick the pockets of those struggling with the loss of a loved one.

The old joke goes that the undertaker shook my hand, and while he was at it, he checked my pulse. (The American undertaker doesn't necessarily wish anyone ill, but if the worst happens he will be quick to roll out his high-end wares!)

Lawrence, Kansas, one of the hippest small cities in America, just set aside part of one of their city-owned cemeteries for green funerals. I'm thinking that I might just make Lawrence my final address.

I may not cheat the devil, but I certainly intend to cheat the staff at the local funeral home!

"No man is completely worthless - he can always serve as plant food!" - Pa Rock

Simply Green

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

I have written in this space previously about the concept of green funerals - burials in biodegradable caskets with no embalming fluid. Recently there was a story on the 'internets' about green cremations, an interesting off-shoot of the green burial concept.

The company cited in the article was Eternal Reefs of Decatur, GA, an outfit that mixes cremated remains with environmentally safe cement and forms the result into artificial reefs that are then dropped into the ocean to form safe habitats for the little fishies. Carole Dunham, who passed away from cancer last November, chose this option. Her remains are now part of an artificial reef off the coast of North Miami Beach. Her loved ones can scuba out to the site and view the reef which is marked with a brass plaque.

I still have a preference for green burials over green cremations. There is a lot of energy expended in cremation, and a decomposing body works its way back into the soil for the benefit of plants and, ultimately, animals.

The Green Burial Council of Santa Fe, NM, an independent, non-profit organization, released the following statistics regarding standard burials in the United States. In one year the United States buries (in addition to the bodies): 1.6 million tons of reinforced concrete, 827,000 tons of toxic embalming fluid, 90,000 tons of steel (from caskets), and 30 million tons of hardwood board. The Council dramatized those amounts by stating that the steel buried in this country in one year could rebuild the Golden Gate Bridge, and the concrete is enough to build a two-lane highway from New York to Detroit.

And while we are still in the throes of the Bush Depression, wouldn't it be nice for the family if their only burial expenses were a biodegradable casket (fancy cardboard) and a burial plot? - no satin-lined, mahogany box with genuine brass handles, no cement vault, no embalming fluid. Nice, and simple, and cheap.

Funerals in America have slowly evolved into a racket. We have grown accustomed to funeral directors directing us into plush send-offs and guilting us if we choose to pack our dearly deceased in something less than the Cadillac of caskets. We are spending more and more money to needlessly pollute the earth and waste all of that good plant food. It's time that we got back to the basics of burials - the way our ancestors did it.

Come on Baby Light My Fire!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

This recession (depression?) doesn't have many bright spots, but one small one is that I don't seem to be receiving nearly as much junk mail as I did even just a year ago. And the unwanted stuff that does land in my mailbox seems to be of a higher quality, or at least more interesting, than the crap that used to be wadded up with my first class mail.

Yesterday, for example, I received a very neat little piece of mail from an organization called The Neptune Society. The small envelope looked expensive, like something that might hold a formal invitation to something special. There was a notation on the front that read "Take care your your New Year's resolution today!" The backside had the return address of The Neptune Society in Tempe, AZ, along with a logo of a large ocean wave.

In my hand I had an unopened fancy envelope that looked like it contained an invitation, a notice that I was going to get something worthy of being a New Year's resolution, and a company name and logo that strongly implied a beach setting. It was so obvious: I was going to be invited to buy a condo on the seashore. The clues were all there!

Imagine my surprise when I opened this missive and learned that the Neptune Society was focused on fire rather than water. It was a crematorium service selling pre-paid cremations. I have a philosophy on body disposal that is not conducive to cremation, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Anticipating that not everyone who opened their mailing would be amenable to parting with their cash for a barbecue in the sweet by-and-by, the Neptune Society dropped a baited hook into their offer. Anyone who would fill out an information card and request more details would be entered in a sweepstakes. Once each month a winner would be drawn from all entries and that winner would receive...are you ready for this?...a pre-paid cremation! Last month's winner was George C. Bryson!

I plan to partake of a green funeral when my time comes. Green funerals, like cremeations, are much cheaper than the morbid shows that the funeral industry has foisted into state laws and onto grieving families who feel to ashamed to haggle over prices when discussing the eternal comfort of the dearly departed. States with green funerals are allowing people to be buried unembalmed and in cardboard coffins that will quickly decompose. That way corpses become compost feeding nature instead of bloated poison meat locked in mahogany and concrete just taking up space - for eternity. And cremation? Well, that's just a waste of good plant food!

So, I'm still debating whether to give the Neptune Society my personal information or not. I hope to never have a need for their services, but a certificate for a pre-paid cremation would be a really unique gift that I could pass on to someone special for a birthday, or Christmas, or just to say "I'm thinking of you today!"

Green Funerals

Everyone knows that the funeral industry takes advantage of people when they are grieving and clearly vulnerable. In most states the laws regulating funerals have been written by lobbyists for the organizations of funeral directors, and they stipulate processes and products designed protect the monopoly and guarantee profits. A careful consumer might wonder why funerals are so expensive and why there are so few options. In most cases about the only decision the family gets to make is which casket (coffin) to purchase, and even the least expensive are still obscenely over-priced. Everything in the funeral extravaganza has a hefty price tag.

Embalming is an unnecessary expense. Why, in this age of refrigeration, does a corpse need to be embalmed? It’s necessary because the funeral industry says its necessary, and their paid lackeys, our legislators, made it a law. In many states there is a requirement to have a cement box to place the casket in? Why? It’s just one more way that funeral directors can pick pockets – and hide behind the law while they do it. And remember, the “law” came from them because most legislators don’t have the foggiest notion about what should comprise a proper burial or why.

Missouri recently had a court case in which funeral directors were forced to agree to allow individuals not licensed as funeral directors to sell caskets. They had a sweet monopoly going until they hit that speed bump!

But the funeral industry is about to face a significant threat to its monopolistic posture and greed. The concept of “Green Funerals” has gotten a foothold in several states, and the movement appears to be spreading. Green Funerals will not only save grief-stricken consumers money, they also offer the benefit of helping the environment.

Green Funerals are eco-friendly events that basically offer the dearly departed up as compost. The corpse is not embalmed, and the burial container might be a homemade casket, or, in some cases, biodegradable containers made out of recycled newspaper. The family might even choose to plant a tree over the grave so that the deceased might feed life into a growing monument.

When my time comes, I hope that my children honor my wishes and plant me in a green manner. I don’t care where I am buried, but I want the peace of mind of knowing that, even in death, I am providing an on-going benefit to others.

Anonymous said it best:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die.