My email inbox is primarily clogged by two types of junk mail. The first is from politicians urging me to sign petitions and then follow-up with quick donations - because, you see, my cyber signature and a few spare dollars are essential in the defense of true democracy - or safeguarding civil liberties - or stopping the evil Koch brothers. It's all up to me - it's all on my shoulders.
The other strident appeal comes from three well-known banking houses, or their doppelgängers. Chase, Bank of America, and Wells Fargo each write almost daily to warn me that someone may have accessed personal information related to my account. Horrors! If I could please rush a reply with further confidential information about myself, it would no doubt help to curb these atrocities and protect my accounts from cyber swindlers.
Today I received two emails from Chase, and there is seldom a day without an urgent alert from Wells Fargo. Oddly though, I have never had an account with either of those fine banking houses. I did have an account with Bank of America at one time, but it has long since been closed and I will never bank with them again - and they know it. Boy howdy, do they know it!
Either I am being scammed, or else one of those nice Nigerian ladies who used to write and ask me to help them with banking favors has opened accounts in my name and forgotten to let me know.
Hey Chase, Wells Fargo, and Bank of America - instead of providing you with more personal information about myself, I think I would rather you guys close those accounts and send me the money. I will bury it in my backyard - and then we will all feel better.
Cashiers checks will do nicely.