by Pa Rock
Film Critic
Film Critic
Ever wonder what Mrs. Throckmorton’s fourth grade remedial
language arts group, the Buzzards, were doing on rainy afternoons last year
when they couldn’t go out for recess?
Well, wonder no more. They were
most certainly busy writing dialogue for the new movie The Avengers. The third
graders down the hall were occupied at the same time rolling around on the
floor and climbing the walls while they choreographed the movie’s actions
scenes. And who bore the ultimate responsibility
for melding the wooden dialogue with incomprehensible action? Why, obviously it was the second graders!
I’m just kidding, of course.
If The Avengers had been the
sole work of a few dozen non-gifted elementary school students, it would have
undoubtedly been a much better movie than the one I sat through last
night. It was easily the worst movie
experience that I have endured in years, and perhaps ever. The first few minutes of the film, those preceding the
appearance of the title, were a rampage of incoherent violence and noise that
left me, at least, scratching my head and asking WTF? And from there it only went
downhill.
The Avengers was
long on roar and short on plot.
There were a few passable sight gags, but even most of those
were as predictable as the dialogue. And
the acting was awful, with a cast of dozens and not one standout performance. Yes, Robert Downey, Jr. is a fine actor, one
of the best of his generation, as are Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Ruffalo, and
Gwyneth Paltrow, but this movie was no place to showcase their talents. There was little to work with in the way of
a script, and most of the actors, particularly Mr. Downey, seemed content to
let their characters remain flat and two-dimensional.
The whole experience would have been better left on the
pages of a Marvel Comic.
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