Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Avengers: Not Just a Bomb, a Stink Bomb!

by Pa Rock
Film Critic

Ever wonder what Mrs. Throckmorton’s fourth grade remedial language arts group, the Buzzards, were doing on rainy afternoons last year when they couldn’t go out for recess?  Well, wonder no more.  They were most certainly busy writing dialogue for the new movie The Avengers.  The third graders down the hall were occupied at the same time rolling around on the floor and climbing the walls while they choreographed the movie’s actions scenes.   And who bore the ultimate responsibility for melding the wooden dialogue with incomprehensible action?  Why, obviously it was the second graders!

I’m just kidding, of course.  If The Avengers had been the sole work of a few dozen non-gifted elementary school students, it would have undoubtedly been a much better movie than the one I sat through last night.  It was easily the worst movie experience that I have endured in years, and perhaps ever.  The first few minutes of the film, those preceding the appearance of the title, were a rampage of incoherent violence and noise that left me, at least, scratching my head and asking WTF?  And from there it only went downhill.

The Avengers was long on roar and short on plot.

There were a few passable sight gags, but even most of those were as predictable as the dialogue.  And the acting was awful, with a cast of dozens and not one standout performance.  Yes, Robert Downey, Jr. is a fine actor, one of the best of his generation, as are Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Ruffalo, and Gwyneth Paltrow, but this movie was no place to showcase their talents.   There was little to work with in the way of a script, and most of the actors, particularly Mr. Downey, seemed content to let their characters remain flat and two-dimensional.   

The whole experience would have been better left on the pages of a Marvel Comic.

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