The Arpaio Files: Meet Joe Blow

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Vice President Joe Biden was in Phoenix yesterday meeting with area Democrats. He also took time out to personally recognize some of the local people who have benefited from the Federal stimulus package. Then, to add the frosting to that cake of a day, the Vice President took a meeting with Joe Arpaio, the legendary (in his own mind) sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona.

Or did he?

Well, according to Sheriff Joe, he did. The self-styled "toughest sheriff in America" tweeted the following: "Just got done meeting with the Vice President of the United States." The sheriff even revealed the nature of their talks. He apparently told the Veep of his need for more deputies.

The local press, which should be used to our sheriff's outlandish propensity for shameless self-promotion and exaggeration, bought into his tweet and helped to generate more local buzz about the meeting between the Vice President and Sheriff Joe.

Only one problem - if a meeting occurred, it was somewhere in cobwebs of Arpaio's aging head.

Today the White House issued a statement noting that the Republican Arpaio had not been invited to the Biden event - he just showed up. Apparently pushy old Joe managed to grab a handshake with the Vice President as he was exiting the building, but it lacked the element of conversation that most people regard as necessary for a "meeting."

Undoubtedly the Vice President is aware of our illustrious sheriff. Janet Napolitano probably regales the cabinet with stories of Sheriff Joe routinely rounding up political opponents and charging them with bogus offenses. And Joe's tent city is truly legendary, adding to that tough cop image that he likes to brandish.

I suspect that Biden has a working knowledge of Arpaio - and that if the sheriff had the opportunity to make a pitch for more deputies, the Vice President would have probably laughed in his face. True, more deputies could help to serve the 40,000 misdemeanor and felony warrants that are backlogged and waiting to be delivered to deserving recipients in Maricopa County, but the sheriff already commands a force that would give any third world dictator a permanent boner. If Sheriff Joe would take some of the deputies off of his publicity-oriented immigration sweeps and other stunts, the county's law enforcement work might start getting done.

But those are just my thoughts.

Arizona Assholes with Guns

by Pa Rock
Cultural Observer

At least twelve morons with inadequate penis issues showed up in downtown Phoenix today to protest the appearance of President Obama at the VFW convention. Each of the twelve was exercising his Constitutional "right" to bear arms. Each was also basking in memories of his glory days as a school yard bully. One particularly oafish individual was packing a holstered pistol and carrying a semi-automatic assault rifle. When a newsman asked him why, his response was, "Because I can."

And yes, in Arizona, he can. Our legislators have been going at it for months trying to pass a budget, and the state is teetering on the brink of bankruptcy - but when legislators can come up with any way to arm more people, they never hesitate. It is now legal to carry a concealed weapon into a bar in Arizona! How's that for stupid?

Last week there was a Children's March in downtown Phoenix to call attention to all of the families that our local sheriff has broken up through his gleeful enforcement of immigration laws - often catching legal residents who happen to be brown in his roundups. The kids marched from one of the local jails to the high rise building where the sheriff has his offices. It was a peaceful exercise of their First Amendment Rights, and not a threat to anyone. The only hitch in the whole program was a group of armed thugs showed up to harass the children - undoubtedly many of the same butt wipes that were strutting their stuff today outside of the VFW convention.

Remember what happened after John Kennedy was gunned down? America was shocked and ashamed - and Lyndon Johnson, an old political arm-twister, was able to play on the popular President's death and his own political abilities do something that Kennedy could have never accomplished. It was called The Great Society and contained such goodies as Medicare, Medicaid, and Head Start - not to mention the Civil Rights of 1964. I wonder what President Biden, also an old political arm-twister, could accomplish under similar circumstances?

Hey, boneheads, be careful what you wish for!

Am I Still Happy With Obama?

by Pa Rock
Rabble Rouser

There is a small Obama-Biden sticker on the trunk of my car, easily seen by all of the conservative blue-hairs that I zip around on the Arizona highways, as well as by all of the brass at the air force base where I work. As long as I am satisfied with the job that President Obama is doing, the bumper sticker will stay in place.

Today as I was ripping down Litchfield Road heading to the gym, a guy in a big-assed SUV (one of those penis-compensator models) pulled up next to me at a stop light and rolled down his window. "Hey," he snorted,"Let me ask you something. Are you still satisfied with Obama?"

"Yes, sir, I certainly am." I replied smiling broadly.

"Great." He responded flatly as he sped off.

The truth is that even a great President can do better. I would like to see him call the Joint Chiefs into the Oval Office and say, "Boys, 'Don't Ask - Don't Tell' ends today - and don't let the door hit your uniformed asses on the way out!" Simple and to the point!

I would also like to see him call all of the Blue Dog Democrats into the White House and inform them that he is backing a public option in the health care legislation that is so liberal it would make the ghost of FDR blush - "and if any of you SOB's vote against it, I will field a primary candidate to oppose you and bring some massive Obama rallies right into your neighborhoods!"

Modest proposals, but worth consideration.

Ray's Hell Burger

by Pa Rock
Cultural Commentator

Ray's Hell Burger, a small food establishment at a strip mall in Arlington, VA, hit the big time today. As the lunch crowd was lining up for one of Ray's signature burgers what should come driving up but a motorcade with the President and Vice President of the United States, a contingent of Secret Service agents, and most of the White House press corps. It was a big deal, a very big deal indeed, for a small burger joint trying to eek out a profit in a rotten economy. This morning a struggling business - tonight a landmark!

There was some conflict among the reporters over what the Prez ordered, with some reporters saying that he had a "basic cheeseburger, medium well" and others insisting that that his request was for a "Swiss mushroom burger." There was no confusion over the sauce, however, with all parties hearing "spicy mustard, if you have it." The Veep had a Swiss cheeseburger with jalapeno peppers. After paying for his meal, the President was seen placing a five dollar bill in the tip jar.

The President also treated the reporters to lunch. Most of the members of the fourth estate were quick to say that they would contribute an amount equal to the value of their meal to charity. They apparently did not want it to be said that they could be bought for the price of a burger and fries!

I like the Obamas. A couple of nights ago Barack took Michelle out to a restaurant in Washington for a date night. It's beginning to look like the White House has suddenly been inhabited by real people! I hope that they are able to maintain that free and easy attitude and lifestyle while living in the world's most closely watched fish bowl.

Senate Lite

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

The 111th Congress was sworn in today with some very notable vacancies and near vacancies in the Senate. The highest drama has centered around Barack Obama's old Senate seat. As we all know by now, vacant Senate seats from Illinois are filled by the governor until the next general election when the people will choose the replacement. The President-elect had the good manners to resign several weeks ago, which gave the governor plenty of time to name a replacement. But Governor Rob Blagojevich, an egomaniac who apparently was looking to sell or trade the seat for something of value, gummed up the works when the Feds overheard him wheeling and dealing over the appointment on a tapped telephone line.

An honorable person, caught with his pants that far down, would have probably resigned, but not the current governor of Illinois. He proclaimed his innocence and vowed to fight the charges. Blagojevich also chose to turn the affair into even more of a circus by going ahead and naming a successor to Obama despite the urging of most of the political world to leave it alone. Then, to help paint stubborn Senate Democrats into a corner, he chose a black man as the replacement. Refusing to seat a black nominee could be interpreted by some as racism. First the governor offered the job to black Illinois Congressman Danny Davis, but Davis declined to accept a tainted nomination. The governor then found a black candidate with an ego the size of his own, Roland Burris, who didn't care how tainted the nomination was - he wanted it! And so it goes...

But while the Burris nomination has been on the front burner, three other Senate seats are also in limbo.

Yesterday Democrat Al Franken was officially certified as the winner of the Minnesota Senate seat - by a paper-thin margin of 225 votes. His crybaby opponent, former Senator Norm Coleman, is headed to court and may keep the seat vacant for weeks or even months while he pulls every possible rabbit out of his huckster's hat. In the hopes of providing some assistance in the resolution of this sticky matter, here is my advice to Coleman: Give it up, Norm. First of all, you're an ass. And secondly, this is Paul Wellstone's seat and you should have never been allowed to sully it in the first place.

Now we come to Hillary's Senate seat from New York. She was sworn in again today, perhaps fearful that she might be turned down for Secretary of State at the last minute. But by hanging on until the last possible day, she is denying her replacement valuable seniority. And, of course, somebody needs to kick New York's governor in the butt and get him to name the replacement.

But the strangest political maneuvering of all, at least to me, involves the Senate seat belonging to Vice-President-elect Joe Biden from Delaware. Biden was also sworn in for another term today, although he is scheduled to become Vice-President in two weeks. It has been rumored that he was keeping the seat warm for his son, Beau Biden, who is currently serving in Iraq, but Beau has apparently said that he isn't going to accept it. So what gives, Joe? You, like Hillary, are costing your replacement seniority. It's time to move on, buddy.

If the Obama administration hopes to hit the ground running, all four of those Democratic Senate seats need to be filled. Somebody needs to be kicking some senatorial butt and taking names!

Joe Biden: A Solid Choice

by Pa Rock

Joe Biden was not my first choice to be the next Vice President, but he's a solid choice - well versed in foreign policy, military matters to include the needs of our veterans, economics, education, and the Constitution - all areas that have been of little or no interest to our current Vice President or President. And in addition to being fully qualified and ready to be President, Joe Biden will be effective on the campaign trail because he has the kick of a Missouri mule!

I first heard of Joe Biden when I was twenty-five and he was thirty. I was stationed on Okinawa, a remote island in the Ryukus that the United States had recently returned to Japanese control. Our primary source of news on Okinawa was the Stars and Stripes. I was reading that newspaper one day and saw a photo of a wrecked station wagon with a campaign sign for a fellow named Biden in the window. Accompanying the photo was a tragic story about the wife and infant daughter of Delaware's very young Senator-elect being killed when a train had hit the car that the wife was driving. Their two sons were also in the car and badly injured.

I have continued to follow Biden's career over the years. He married a school teacher named Jill who now has a doctorate in education. Biden and Jill are both powerful advocates for education. He is also the all-powerful chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, a role that has allowed him to be a forceful ill-wind to the Bush administration.

Joe Biden is older than I would prefer, but he is not cranky-old like McBush. He is quick with a joke or funny remark, and he spar with the most venomous of Republican snakes. He will make us proud, both in the campaign and as our next Vice President of the United States.

Obama, Oh My!

I am enjoying the Obama victory in Iowa this evening. Barack Obama, a son of Kenya and Kansas, is on his way to the White House! It is truly the dawn of a new day in America!

Other observations:

 Hillary’s concession speech was more gracious than the one given by Edwards.
 Fred Thompson did better than I thought he would. I hope that somebody woke him up and told him that he is still in the race!
 The Democratic turnout was tremendous – which portends very well for November.
 Chuck Norris’s teeth are unnaturally white!
 Ron Paul’s people have been deluding themselves.
 Bill Clinton is looking really old!
 Mike Huckabee may be a gasbag, but he has a good sense of humor.
 Joe Biden is a class act.
 Barack Obama is the most powerful public speaker in America!

On to New Hampshire!

The Political Season

I heard on the news tonight that John F. Kennedy announced on January 2, 1960, that he would be a candidate for President in November of 1960. Imagine how nice it would be to have the entire presidential election circus take place in a single year!

Most of this year’s presidential candidates announced months ago and have been in the campaign trenches ever since, and the first significant electoral process, the Iowa caucuses, will finally take place tomorrow. So now we are taking nearly two years to elect a president!

And then there is the subject of money. One estimate that came out today is that the candidates have spent over $30 million in Iowa alone. Those poor Iowa residents have had to endure over 50,000 television commercials for and against the various candidates in the last few months.

It is truly becoming the best democracy that money can buy!

My Iowa Predictions:

Democrats: 1. Barack Obama 2. John Edwards 3. Hillary Clinton 4. Bill Richardson
Likely dropouts: Joe Biden and Chris Dodd.

Republicans: 1. Mike Huckabee 2. Mitt Romney 3. John McCain 4. Ron Paul
Likely dropouts: Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson

Now, on to New Hampshire!