Imaginary Trading Cards - Get Yours Today!

 

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

This week while Vice President Kamala Harris was carefully laying out policy proposals that will affect the lives of Americans and citizens of the world for generations, her opponent in the presidential election, Donald Trump, was also busy.  Trump, the elderly, convicted felon was re-hashing his greatest hits with an announcement of the sale of a new batch of his digital trading cards and pieces of another of his old suits.  

The contrast between the two could not have been more pronounced.   One is a clear-eyed, optimistic, and highly competent leader focused on taking us into the future, and the other is a deranged carnival barker who longs to wallow in obscene wealth.  One is for us, the other is for himself.

I have been doing some reading on digital trading cards, trying to figure out just what the hell they actually are, and why anyone would want them. They are modeled on baseball and sports cards that are sold in small packs, with the idea being that buyers (or collectors) will trade or swap cards with other collectors until they have a complete set.

But with "digital" cards there is no card, just a digitized photo of a card that the buyers (collectors) can pull up on their computers and  look at when they want to see how they have spent their money.  It's a great plan as long as your wi-fi is working, or your computer hasn't been stolen, or that slip of paper where you wrote your password to access the digital trading cards hasn't disappeared, or a computer virus hasn't eaten your cards, or North Korean hackers haven't stolen your cards and held them for ransom, or lightning . . . 

The cards are a great value at just $99 each, and to sweeten the deal, suckers investors who buy fifteen of the imaginary cards (just $1,485!) will also receive a real one that will have a fragment of the suit that Trump supposedly wore the night he debated President Biden.)   What a deal!

Who says MAGA is a cult?

Donald, have you ever considered that all of this politics stuff is just a giant waste of your valuable time.  Selling imaginary crap over the internet is the way of the future.  Overhead is low and it is almost all profit.    Why not digitize the menu at Mar-a-Lago and offer the rubes digital fine dining at prices they can almost afford?  Why shouldn't Billy Joe Bob be able to take Loretta Irene out for a digital surf-and-turf in the digitally remastered main dining room at Mar-a-Lago on their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary?  Heck, if they've managed to save enough of that crypto money, maybe you could even rent them a digital room for the night?

And think of the money you could make renting out digital apartments in a digital Trump Tower to social climbers in the Midwest!  Imaginary renters will never clog the toilets or be late with the rent, and if they are - just delete their accounts.  Easy, peasy!

Donald, your true talent is grifting.  Stay in your lane!