Once More - With Feeling!

by Pa Rock
Heretic

I went way too easy on the Catholic Church and its doddering old Pope last night. There was only one response to the post, and it was supportive of my harangue. So, please bear with me as I try once again to stir up the Faithful!

Last week President Obama was invited to speak the University of Notre Dame's graduation in the spring, a move that has whipped the know-nothings into a lather. Why should this great Catholic University, they argue, bring in some bloody pro-abortion politician to give the commencement address. Thirteen bishops, including the one whose diocese encompasses the University of Notre Dame, have signalled their intent not to attend the service if the President of the United States is the speaker. Today, Francis Cardinal George, the Archbishop of Chicago, called the upcoming speech by the leader of the free world "an extreme embarrassment." Some Republican politicians who graduated from Notre Dame are also pissing and moaning in concert with Cardinal George and the coven of bishops.

The political pressure is mounting for the university to dis-invite President Obama, but so far the school's administration has stood firm. Now the good Cardinal (oxymoron, anyone?) is encouraging supporters of the university to write letters expressing what is in their hearts - about "the embarrassment and difficulties" posed by inviting the President of the United States to be the graduation speaker.

The Catholic Church is in trouble, big trouble, and it has nothing to do with Barack Obama. The Church has lost its relevance. It preaches abstinence in a modern world, and it rails against birth control. Wake up and smell the coffee, you intolerant morons: fifteen-year-old Catholics all over America (and the rest of the world as well) are having sex - and none of them are ready to be parents. The Church doesn't speak to them, it lectures them - and the lectures are fifty years out-of-date.

If the Church is going to have any meaning in the modern world, it has to get to where the people are, in thought and spirit. It is time to make some fundamental changes. It is with great humility that I recommend the following:

1. Bring women into the priesthood. If the ladies can handle running large corporations and super-power nations, they ought to be able to manage something as arcane and stodgy as the Catholic Church.

2. Allow priests to marry. A clergy that is less sexually frustrated could only improve the Church's image and the safety of its young parishioners.

3. Turn over all child molesters to the police - no exceptions.

4. Place an upper age limit on clergy (priests, nuns, bishops, cardinals, and the Pope) and anyone else in a decision-making position within the Church. Sixty-five seems more than reasonable. Those who want to continue working past the retirement age should do so as volunteers.

5. Rescind the doctrine of Papal Infallibility. All human beings are capable of making mistakes - including, and in the current case - especially, the Pope.

6. Start using some decent music with the Mass.

Today's Catholic Church has chosen to be irrelevant, and unless that attitude starts to change dramatically, it might as well go back to speaking Latin. Chances are few among us would notice the difference!