Pa Rock's Big Adventure

by Pa Rock
Newly Initiated Desert Dweller

It happened in the middle of the night. I was sleeping peacefully last night when I suddenly sensed a fly scurrying across my exposed leg. I awoke just enough to reach down and brush the pest away, but when I made contact with the nocturnal tourist, he immediately sank his stinger into my thigh. Even in the fog of sleep, I knew that I had just gotten up close and personal with Arizona's state night terror, the desert scorpion! I must have knocked him into the sheet because by the time I wrestled my way to freedom, I had been stung two more times.

I jumped out of bed and hit the lights. The evil creature was walking slowly across the top sheet, seemingly unperturbed and quite nonchalant. I bundled him into the sheet and squeezed twice - for all I was worth. Each time when I unwadded the sheet, my attacker would resume his leisurely stroll across my bed. I finally got an empty pill bottle and scooped him up. He is still residing in that red plastic bottle and is hopefully getting some sense of what bug hell is really like!

The next thing that I did was to fire up the computer and google scorpion stings. A generic article told me that a scorpion sting would hurt (duh!) and that I could die, but probably wouldn't. I read up on all of the symptoms to worry about, and then spent an hour surfing the iTunes store while waiting to see what turn my injuries would take. My plan was to head to the ER if I started to get deathly ill, and take along my captive so that they could see exactly what I dealing with. I didn't die, and finally I crawled back into bed (after checking it very carefully), for a couple of hours of fitful sleep before heading into work.

The stings still hurt. They are very similar to those I experienced many years ago when I mowed over an underground nest of yellow jackets. One friend (a nurse) told me that I should have treated the stings with ammonia. (How many bachelors have ammonia in their homes - or have any clue as to its uses?)

Another friend who has lived in the desert for years, but has never made physical contact with a scorpion, told me that a friend told her that on a scale of one to five, with one being the least painful - wasps are a one, scorpions are a three, and fire ants are a five. If that's true, and I have no reason to believe that it isn't, I never want to go anywhere near a pissed-off fire ant!

Goodnight...sleep tight...and don't let the bed bugs bite!