Ivy League Students Shoot Bear, Bring It Back to Dorm for Processing

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

Cornell University of Ithaca, New York, is  one of America's eight "Ivy League" schools where intellectually and financially gifted students go to prepare for their future leadership positions in society.  Cornell is located in the beautiful Finger Lakes region of New York, a green portion of the state where there is a black bear population large enough to to warrant an annual hunting season.  Any bear may be shot during the season - except for cubs - by persons who purchase a state license to do so.  The current season began one week ago today on September 6th.

That same day, last Saturday, two undergraduate male students at Cornell procured licenses to shoot a bear, grabbed their rifles, and headed out into the woods to play Davy Crockett for a day.

Cornell, which has no official school mascot, does have a long association with bears in their athletic program.  In 1915 a bear cub named "Touchdown" was brought onto the football field, probably to highlight the team's courage and fearsomeness, and live bears were used off-and-on at games for the next few decades until one caused a bit of a fuss when he escaped, and another was the subject of an attempted kidnapping by Harvard.   Today a human in a bear costume wearing a red Cornell team shirt , also named "Touchdown," makes appearances at games - but the school still does not claim him as an "official" mascot.

The fact that a bear is not the school mascot was probably a godsend this week after it was discovered that the two young men who went bear hunting had been successful and killed a 120-pound bear which news reports indicate was probably an adolescent.  Instead of field-dressing their trophy out in the open where they had shot it, the hunters decided to bring the bear corpse back to their dorm and skin and butcher the young bear in the dorm's community kitchen.   As they worked at disassembling the animal, they bagged chunks of fresh meat and stored it in a freezer in the kitchen.

But there's a spoilsport in every dorm, and someone quickly complained about their dorm kitchen being turned into an animal chop shop, and a police report was filed.  A conservation agent showed up to check the bear-hunting licenses, which were in order, and the University called in its lawyers to sift through the student conduct regulations and learned that the school had no rules governing the processing of bears in campus facilities - so no school rules had ben broken.

No laws broken, no school rules transgressed, and no harm done (except to the poor bear and his grieving mother) - just America's children of privilege behaving shamelessly as they simulate sexual climax by killing innocnt animals and creating an endless supply of social media memes.

The kitchen has been closed for cleaning.