Friday, January 29, 2016

Two Scoops of Bernie's Yearning, Please!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

With each passing day it becomes clearer that the next occupant of the White House, President #45, is unlikely to be a Republican.  Vice President Joe Biden famously quipped the other day that the Republican party candidates are a "gift from the Lord!"  The old adage is that you can't win a race without a horse, and so far every nag in the Republican stable is either too lame to run a serious race, or has headed out of the starting gate running in the wrong direction.

Discounting Martin O'Malley who can't seem to convince anyone that he is a actually a contender, that leaves to two distinct possibilities at this point:  Hillary or Bernie.  Mrs. Bill Clinton and her minions have been pulling out all of the stops in an effort to convince voters that while the Sanders positions on the issues may be admirable, the candidate himself is un-electable.  Sanders and company have fired back that his mountains of small donations from real people, not corporations, would indicate otherwise.

But, even if Hillary does win the nomination and the presidency (beating something as formidable as the Clinton political machine will clearly be no walk in the park), Bernie Sanders has scored one cultural coup that has eluded even Bubba Clinton himself.  That's right - Bernie Sanders has his own Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor - "Bernie's Yearning."

Put a scoop of that in your morning mocha, Hillary!

Well, to be totally honest, it isn't an "official" Ben and Jerry's flavor, because the Vermont-based company was sold to one of those evil international conglomerates several years ago - but Ben still sits on the advisory board, and it was him and Jerry themselves who created, prepared, and packaged the first forty pints of "Bernie's Yearning" in Vermont - in Ben's very own kitchen.  The company itself, or its corporate overlord, deny creation or ownership of the new flavor.

Twenty-five of those pints have been donated to the Sanders campaign, and the rest are reportedly being held in reserve to be used as contest prizes.

The new flavor consists of a pint of mint ice cream sitting under a milk chocolate disk.  According to the ice cream wizards, the disk represents America's wealthiest one-percent who have received a "huge majority" of the country's economic gains since the end of the depression.  The rest of us are the delicious mint underbelly.

According to Ben, "Nothing is as unstoppable as a flavor whose time has finally come!"

While Hillary may have plans to be the first woman whose head rests on Mount Rushmore, when it comes to real symbolism, she has already missed the lead car in the parade.  Americans know a rock star when they taste one!

Move over "Cherry Garcia," and pass the sprinkles!

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