Thursday, February 26, 2015

Todd Akin Rides Again!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Remember Todd "legitimate rape" Akin, the hapless congressman from the St. Louis area who thought he could unseat Missouri's occasionally Democratic and always politically lethal senator, Claire McCaskill?  McCaskill essentially chose her own opponent by prattling on about how she feared running against Akin the most, and then when those obliging Republicans stood him up as their Senate candidate, she quickly wrapped him up like an unwanted Christmas gift, and drop-kicked him through the Arch and over into Illinois somewhere.

Apparently Todd did not take his total annihilation and humiliation lightly - because he's back!

Much to the delight of Democrats everywhere, Todd Akin is once again making political noises and coughing up threats of running for office.  This time his target would be the other Missouri United States Senator - Roy Blunt - a long-time resident of our nation's capital.  Akin is letting it be known that he might just challenge 'Ol Roy in the Republican primary - a red, white, and true blue tea-bagger versus one of the more establishment Republicans in the Senate.

But Blunt, who has been careful to always pay attention to his party's loonier elements, has been stowing away cash for just such a crisis.  Not too long after moving to Washington, DC, as a congressman from Missouri's seventh district (Springfield and Joplin), Blunt divorced his wife of thirty-five years - and the mother of his three adult children - and married a lobbyist for Kraft Foods.  He has been greedily bankrolling corporate "campaign donations" ever since.  

'Ol Roy would undoubtedly rather save his cash to fight his Democratic opponent, Jason Kander, in November of 2016, but if Todd Akin persists in his quixotic quest, Blunt will have the cash on hand to fight that battle as well.  America does, after all, boast the finest democracy money can buy.

Todd, even though it's well nigh impossible to pry a career politician out of office and away from the public trough, you hang in there dammit and keep trying!  We're all pulling for you, buddy - you bet we are!

And Jason Kander, you keep trying as well.  We really are pulling for you!

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