Confidential Communication to the Assholes at Facebook

by Pa Rock
Pissed-Off Consumer

Dear Facebook,

I have been a reluctant subscriber to your service for several years. I joined only because my daughter chose to send out photos of my grandson through Facebook, and it was the only way that I could access them at the time.

Since I became one of your brain-dead followers I have heard from friends from my past, many of whom I did not know that well back in the day and have little or no desire to correspond with now. But, being the sweet guy that I am, I always replied that they could be my friend. I never had any activity on my account other than acknowledging a few old friends. I didn't play Mafia Wars or try to raise cyber farm animals.　I did not even participate in any of those silly groups that people with too much time on their hands wanted me to join.

In other words, it was damned rare when I had any reason to want to use your service.

Then last week a lady that I had known many years ago "friended" me. I have recently moved to Japan, and when I tried to respond, your crappy service blocked me saying that I was communicating from an unfamiliar location. In order to get back on, I had to identify people in photos who were apparently family members of people I knew forty or fifty years ago. Well, obviously that "test" was a bunch of horseshit which I was unable to pass. So I was blocked. Then, when I tried again, I received a message saying that I could only attempt to pass the horseshit photo test once an hour.

So I decided that I would forgo your two-bit "service." I advertised on my blog for the expedient way to end my relationship with Facebook, and a friend from the past (whom I did not find via Facebook) sent me the following link:

https://ssl.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account

When I went to that link, it originally came up in Japanese, and when I got that kink figured out, the site asked me if I wanted to "sign up!" Like hell, I do! Then I tried to access the site, and wouldn't you know it - the horseshit photo test!

And of course, I couldn't pass it - again!

You obviously don't want me to have access to my account. You just need my name on your rolls to enhance your revenue stream and to assist you in luring in more suckers through association to my past.

Let me go!

Let me go, now - dammit!

I don't like you! I don't want you! I don't need you!

Give my spot on your rolls to some troglodyte who is stuck in the fifties! I'm moving on!

Now, get the hell out of my life!

Respectfully,

Pa Rock
Okinawa

P.S. If any or all who read this would pass the link on to Facebook, I would be most grateful! Or better yet, pass the link along to your friends and ask them to forward it to Facebook. Spam the bastards!