Arizona Slug Fests

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Arizona has two great races shaping up in the state's Republican primary. Both will be slug fests, not only because they will feature plenty of down-and-dirty political brawling and name-calling, but also because the main contenders in each race are slugs!

The lesser of the two battles is to determine who will be the Republican candidate for state attorney general. State superintendent of schools, Tom Horne, a Harvard-educated Canadian who migrated to the Valley of Hell many years ago, will be challenging Maricopa County Attorney, Andrew Thomas. Andy also got his law degree at Harvard, which certainly does not speak well for America's oldest university. He is proud of being President of the Harvard Young Republicans at the same time that Barack Obama was at Cambridge editing the venerable Harvard Law Review.

Tom Horne does not understand or practice progressive education, and has a visceral fear of cultural diversity. He cannot seem to fathom why everyone does not share his overly middle-aged, white, male values. Horne is an unflinching knee-jerk conservative. Public education in Arizona can only improve with Horne's departure from its helm.

Andy Thomas has spent his years as the attorney for Maricopa County being Charlie McCarthy to Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Edgar Bergen. Every time the sheriff is displeased with someone, Thomas files suit. The duo have so many frivolous lawsuits currently in the hopper that much of the real crime in Maricopa County is routinely ignored. A judge from outside of the county has been brought in to try and sort out the ever-expanding legal mess.

Joe eats beans, Andy farts.

Horne versus Thomas will be a real slug fest in every sense of the word!

The other Republican primary bloodbath will be the U.S. Senate campaign between incumbent John McCain and former Congressman and right-wing radio personality, J.D. Hayworth. Hayworth is so far to the right that he makes McCain seem like a pleasant moderate. McCain has tacked hard right in recent weeks trying to re-ingratiate himself with the gun-toting bigots of Arizona, but it may be too little, too late. And then there was that pesky endorsement of the gay marriage movement in California by McCain's wife and daughter. That rich wife was a real asset when Big John was getting his start in politics, but she may have out-stayed her usefulness!

The Republican senate primary in Arizona could be so bloody as to ruin both McCain and Hayworth, offering at best a pyrrhic victory. Rodney Glassman, a member of the Tuscon City Council and Air Force JAG Reserve Officer, is certainly hoping that will be the case. He is already raising money to challenge whichever slug wins the GOP primary.

Hey Rodney, my check is in the mail!

I gave some thought to changing my voter registration to Republican so that I could help the rednecks sort out their slugs - but I actually don't care who wins either primary race. I'll cast my vote for change - in November!