Political Conventions

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

The tea-baggers are in Nashville this week staging a for-profit convention that is so loony even Michele Bachmann, the queen of the loons, felt obliged to send her regrets. So far they have heard former Congressman Tom Tancredo spew more racism than George Wallace could have whipped up in his prime, Joseph Farah (editor of World Net Daily) fling birther crap at the primates in the audience, and "Judge" Roy Moore bash gays with so much gusto that one wonders what secrets are hidden in his attic. And the finale of this orgiastic celebration of hate will be a speech (a very well paid speech) by Sarah Palin. Her moronic twaddle will bring down the house - you betcha it will!

Nashville made a lot of money off of this "political" endeavor, what with the sales of white bedsheets and handguns going through the roof. And the hookers probably did well also because some of these rubes ain't been to the city in a coon's age.

Political conventions, even screwy ones like the one playing itself out in Nashville this week, can be real money makers for a city. Hotels, restaurants, bars, liquor stores, florists, gas stations - they all make money when the drunks and perverts are in town.

The big political conventions - the important ones - will be in the summer of 2012. A dozen or so cities showed an interest in attracting one of these economic windfalls into their midst. It now looks at though the Republicans have their list pared down to Salt Lake City, Tampa, and Phoenix. The Democrats have Charlotte, Philadelphia, and Phoenix on their short list.

You can tell your friends that you heard it here first. The 2012 Republican Convention will be held in Tampa. Florida is damned important in the electoral count, and, unless their Presidential nominee gets caught in an airport men's room with a black rentboy, Arizona and Utah will be a lock. Hell, Utah would vote Republican even if their Presidential nominee was a black rentboy!

The Democratic Convention of 2012 will be in Philadelphia. Again, Pennsylvania is too damned important in the electoral count. It would be nice to give the nod to Charlotte for its first-ever national political convention, and the streets of Charlotte would be much more genteel and interesting than the hard urban downtown of Philly, but winning Pennsylvania trumps every other consideration.

But what about the biggest hole south of the Grand Canyon? Surely modern, downtown Phoenix would be difficult for several thousand conventioneers to pass up. Republicans in particular should appreciate Arizona's complete lack of any gun regulation and criminally low taxes. Their convention would be trouble-free with Shurf Joe Arpaio and his goons just itching to bust the heads of anyone who dared to protest outside of the convention hall.

The hard truth is, however, Republicans can't lose Arizona, and Democrats can't win it. Neither party needs or wants to spend a week in the Sonora desert in August to impress anyone! The only hope for Phoenix getting a convention would be if the tea-baggers manage to hold on a couple of more years. They could listen to a few racists and hate-mongers, and then take off for the border to hunt illegals. And the heat shouldn't be a problem because those sheets catch all the breeze!