A Bag of Snakes

 

by Pa Rock

Former Air Traveler

My first thought upon seeing the headline "Bag of Snakes Found in Air Passenger's Pants" on an internet site this week was that I had just come across a new (to me) collective noun, such as:  a herd of cattle, a murder of crows, and now, a bag of snakes.  Either that, or it was some unit of measure that had eluded me during my long and shameless education.  "Yes, I'll take a fifth of whiskey, a gross of M-80's, and a bag of snakes.  No, wait, I left my checkbook at home.  Better make that just a half-a-bag of snakes."

The story didn't amount to much, just a couple of paragraphs which seemed to intentionally lack specifics - and left people with sordid imaginations, like me, plenty of room to begin developing movie scripts worthy of some Hollywood action hero.

A man had been stopped at the Miami International Airport when it was discovered that he had a "bag of snakes" concealed in his pants.  The snakes had subsequently been turned over to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission.

That was the complete story in the initial news release.  The man's name and fate were not revealed, nor were there any specifics given on the snakes:  type, size, quantity, or whether they were venomous or not.  Just a "bag of snakes."  It was just a titillating headline designed to draw people to the news site.  

Within a few days the journalistic mud began to clarify.

The "bag" was a small, draw-string, sunglasses bag, and the "snakes" were two, a pair of skinny, whitish reptiles each about a foot long.  (Photos began appearing on the internet, but, as of yet, I have not come across information on their breed or level of venomousness.)  

The story had been released in drips and drabs in order to lure in readers and fuel more "clicks" on the internet, while giving the news sites better figures with which to attract sponsors.

It turns out the guy not only lost his snakes, but also was barred from boarding the plane.

And now, as Paul Harvey used to say, you know the rest of the story.  The news sites posed a greater annoyance to the public with their crap headlines and lack of details than the actual snakes did.

(Could this be the opening salvo of a new collegiate fad?  Snakes - in a bag - in your pants!  It would probably be more exciting than swallowing goldfish!)