Monday, February 16, 2009

A Dog's Tail

by Pa Rock

Doxie Doggie was a bitch - just not a very good one. She harbored dreams of making puppies with some of the tops studs of Doggywood and was particularly focused on Brad Pitbull who was becoming famous for siring double litters with his puppy machine. But try as she might, Doxie could never attract the attention of anything but the mongrels who lived in her neighborhood - and most of them recognized the scent of mental issues and ran for the hills whenever she raised her tail in their direction.

Doxie blamed her social problems on her parents who had raised her as a single puppy, and she vowed that she would raise puppies by the score and they would all have wonderful lives because of all of their many siblings and their loving mommy. Doxie wasn't worried about the cost of raising all of these puppies by herself because she could live with her awful parents. A houseful of yapping little puppies would make her happy. If money became an issue, she could always turn to her Governator.

One day Doxie heard of a vet who would implant her with embryos so that she could have puppies without going through all of the drama of seducing one of the local mongrels. Over the next couple of years she had six small litters, and they all lived in her parent's two-bedroom doghouse. Doxie got some money from a Court settlement, but she kept that secret from her parents and used it for plastic surgery so that she could look more like a Doggywood starlet bitch.

Doxie had puppies everywhere, some with medical and emotional issues, and all in need of a full-time mother. But Doxie still wasn't happy. Using her doggie logic, Doxie figured that if six litters hadn't made her happy, it must be because the litters were too small. She went back to her vet and begged for more implanted embryos - as many as the poor vet could stuff into her.

The kindly vet stuffed Doxie good. Several weeks later she gave birth to the equivalent of eight litters of puppies. An entire animal hospital had to basically shut down while Doxie shot out puppies like an overworked Gatling gun. Suddenly Doxie was famous and she felt very happy. Doxie hired a publicist and set up her own web page where she could beg for donations.

Things were wonderful until stories began to surface about Doxie's other puppies and the burdens that her poor parents were under. The outraged publicist got a court order to keep Doxie's mother from talking to reporters. Suddenly other dogs started asking tacky questions like: Who's going to pay the hospital bill? How can a single, unemployed doggie mama take care of fourteen litters? Is this fair to all of those puppies? What about the sensible dogs who only have puppies that they can take care of - should they have to foot the bill for irresponsible Doxie?

Fortunately the story has a happy ending. The Governator, who was himself busy trying to solve the biggest budget deficit in the history of the state, decided that enough was enough. He ordered his Puppy Welfare Department to take the puppies into state custody. He then put them up as prizes in the state lottery and puppyless couples from around the country rushed in to buy up tickets in the hopes of winning one of Doxie's brood. The state's budget deficit was quickly erased and dozens of good dogs were given the opportunity to experience the joys of parenthood - in moderation.

Doxie's vet went to prison where has learned the joys of being the cell block bitch - but, as of yet, he has produced no puppies.

Doxie herself sleeps comfortably in a padded room dreaming of a sensuous encounter with Brad Pitbull's cold nose and the life that could have been. "It was all about me," she laments. "It was all about me."

1 comment:

xobekim said...

Doxie is not mongrel. Doxie is a pure bred Narcissist.