The Dietary Wisdom of RFK, Jr

 

by Pa Rock

Citizen Journalist

For those who plan to stumble through Washington, DC, this summer to see the sights during our nation's Semiquincentennial now that Trump has spent piles of our money getting everything gilded, painted, or just dolled-up with his name emblazoned n it, here are a few things to check if you suspect you may have spotted a Cabinet secretary or other Trumpian star.

First notice gender and skin color.   Members of Trump's inner circle and Cabinet are more likely to be male and white than in any other recent presidential administration.  So far during his current administration Trump has replaced three cabinet members and his Director of National Security, all women, with (at least on a temporary"acting" basis) all white men, which most of his cabinet members and closest advisers were to begin with.

Second, take a gander at their shoes.  Trump wears  $145 Florsheim Cap Toe Oxfords, and he is so proud of that choice that he has given the same style of shoes to many of the males with whom he works closest.  A dead giveaway that some guy is in Trump's inner circle is if he is wearing the Florsheims and they don't fit properly.   The boss didn't ask about sizes before ordering the surprise gifts - apparently thinking he had a "gift" for guessing the right size - and when the lucky lackeys unwrapped their surprise shoes in his office, they instinctively knew to put them on and carry their old ones out.  Some were too tight to walk in while others flopped around like beach shoes, but wear them they did.

And now a third way to discern Trump's main sycophants from mere mortals seems to be arising.  If you are too close for comfort, and it happens to be meal time, check their plates to see what they are eating, or if no food is around but you are still within germ-jumping distance, try to catch a whiff of their breath.  If your prey is eating sauerkraut or kim chi, or smell like they have been, they may well be people who regularly crowd around the enormous oval table in the under-sized cabinet room to watch Donald sleep.

RFK, Jr, the nation's Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) and all-around health nut, has created his own version of something generally referred to as a "sour meal plan" or a "sauerkraut diet."  The plan focuses on fermented vegetables, like sauerkraut and kim chi, along with grass-fed beef, as well as breads and waffles made from sourdough.  Yummy!   Kennedy, who reportedly carries his own supply of sauerkraut around with him and has a penchant for roadkill, says that he has lost 20 pounds and 40% of his visceral fat from the diet. He is so happy with the results that he is promoting it among the other Trump stooges.    So far Vice President JD Vance, Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, and former US House Speaker Kevin McCarthy have joined the fad.

So, if you have a figure like me or Donald Trump and an adventurous spirit, you might want to give the sour meal plan a try.    Sauerkraut on a sourdough waffle for breakfast would probably kill the urge to eat breakfast and the next several meals.  Or, another option would be to seek the advice of a legitimate medical professional, such as your personal physician, for competent advice on a diet plan.

I can't help feeling that people who take medical and dietary advice from the current US Secretary of Health and Human Services are destined to go the way of the dinosuar, dodo bird, and passenger pigeon.  Darwin understood how these things work.