Obits and Resolutions

 

by Pa Rock

Procrastinator

Much of my time seems to be dedicated to avoidance.  I guess if I stopped putting things off, I would be getting more done and creating more time to enjoy life without the constant worry of unfinished business hanging over my head.

One of the things that I have been putting off for years is writing my own obituary.  When I heard that a friend had written his, that inspired me to at least start thinking about it.  I had written the official obituaries (the ones that had appeared in the newspapers) for both of my parents, so I had experience, and I thought "who better to recap my life than me?"   I was further inspired a few months ago when a good friend who works in the field of child protection in New York City emailed me the obituary of her father.  She didn't say that she had written it, but it had definitely been penned from a very personal and loving perspective.  As I read about the remarkable old fellow who had helped to raise a large family of successful individuals, and who still enjoyed rollerskating up until the end of his life in his early eighties, I knew that if I wanted to tell my tale, my way, I had best get started.

I made a very short list of New Year's resolutions for 2024 and placed writing my obituary at the top of that list.  Because, like so many others, I am notoriously bad about following through on resolutions, I decided to put a suspense date on that one because it was really important to me.  The resolution became "I will write my own obituary on January 1st, 2024."  There would be no putting it off.

And on January 1st I set to work in earnest completing that resolution.  The obit, which was written in the third person as though it was the work of somebody else who was reporting on my life, detailed my birth, and identified my parents and only sibling.  It also identified by name all who survived me including (hopefully) my three children, their spouses, and my six grandchildren.  Then it focused on my education, work history, and a couple of things that I enjoyed in life.  It tended to be long, which is a modern trend in obituaries now that the newspapers no longer print them free - and if the deceased or estate is paying anyway, why not say what you want? (Obituaries generally go through the funeral homes and the cost of publishing is rolled into that god-awful bill that some guy in an expensive black suit discretely hands to the mourner with the checkbook after the service.)

After I finished my self-serving, third-person obituary on January 1st, I emailed it to my friend who had already written his own, and he replied with a copy of his.  My friend had crafted a beautiful tribute that was written in the first-person which told what he wanted to say from his own perspective.  It was primarily focused on his world view and beliefs, along with suggestions about how he would like to have his life celebrated.  It was very inspirational, and reminded me of the strong personal vibe that the imagery of an old man rollerskating had produced in another tribute to a person's life.

I didn't change my own obituary - it took me too long to get in on down on paper to begin with - but I did come away from the process knowing that there are many ways to encapsulate a life, and I definitely believe that the person who has lived that life should have input into how it is presented and preserved in print.

My other resolutions for the year are to be more active (one of the most ignored resolutions on the planet), take an extended trip somewhere by car or train, finish a writing project that has been sapping my strength for over a year, acquire a working printer, and find a comfortable pair of shoes for daily wear.  (The sleet is on the ground and I am still tromping around in my well-worn summer sandals!)  I did not put suspense dates on any of those, but probably should have - at least for the printer.   I ordered the shoes last night and am hopeful that they fit the bill, as I am not the type of person to mess with the hassle of returning things - which requires a printer anyway!   (Maybe I should mention that in my obituary!)

2024 is still in single-digit days.  This would be a great time to identify one short-coming in your life that needs attention, set a goal, and git 'er done!