Privileged White Shaman Demands Organic Option

by Pa Rock
Former Phoenician

It's happening today in Phoenix, Arizona, the very place where former Sheriff Joe Arpaio once forced his prisoners to live in sweltering tents, spend their days watching the Disney Channel and religious programming on television, and subsist on green baloney sandwiches.  Now the feds are housing a prisoner in Phoenix, a star of sorts who until a few days ago was no one of consequence, and those feds are treating their prisoner much differently than Old Joe treated his.

Arizona native Jacob Anthony Chansley, who is also known as Jake Angeli and the Q-anon Shaman, is a 33-year-old conspiracy nut who has a flair for the theatrical.  Last week Jake was generally cited as being the most creatively costumed protester in the Capitol when he showed up shirtless, with copious amounts of body paint including his face which was covered in a red, white, and blue design, and was decked out in furs and wearing horned headgear.

The howling shaman was photographed at various locations throughout the Capitol as he cavorted with his fellow insurrectionists, and at one point he was even photographed taking the dais in th Senate chamber.  He had a swell time during his brief outing to Washington, DC - yes he did! 

But the government of the United States of America was not amused, and shortly after Jake's return to Arizona he was arrested and charged with violent entry into the Capitol grounds - and disorderly connect.   However, as soon as the feds got their now infamous media whore under lock and key, he began making trouble.  Jake, it seems, could not eat the food he was given because it was not organic.  He refused to eat and called out the big guns to aid getting his demands met for more humane treatment.

Jake's mother went to the press and told them of her son's hunger strike.  She explained that if he doesn't eat organic food he will get "physically sick."   Then his attorney went into court and told the judge that poor Jake needs a "shaman's" diet.  

The feds quickly backed down to the demands of their middle class, white, privileged guest, and Jake the Shaman is now reportedly receiving the organic food to which his sensitive palate has become accustomed.

Jake the Shaman undoubtedly has a full range of cable television selections as well.

And somewhere nearby Joe Arpaio is probably crying in his beer and howling at the desert moon as he laments the complete capitulation of law enforcement!

(Jake the Shaman had best enjoy the privileges of being white and middle class in this life, because the next time around he might find himself being born into a genuine Native American family and living on a deplorable reservation.  Real Native Americans seldom have an "organic" option!)