Adventures in Voting: Making America Sane Again

by Pa Rock
Early Bird 

Yesterday I filled out my application for an absentee ballot (available on my state's Secretary of State's homepage) and hand-carried it to the local county clerk's office.  I was able to qualify for an absentee ballot based on two pandemic criteria set forth by my state - Missouri.  First, I am "at risk" of catching the coronavirus if I vote in public because I am aged sixty-five or over, and second, I am diabetic which also qualifies me to avoid the masses at the polls on Election Day.  Because I meet at least one of the several criteria posted by by state, I do not have to give any other reason for not voting in person, nor do I have to have my signature on the application or ballot envelope notarized.

My county is very Republican in a Republican state, but even so the county officials are smart enough to regard the pandemic as real.  Common people, like myself, can no longer get inside of the county clerk's office, but instead must deal through a slot in a window at the front door.   Yesterday when I finally got the attention of one of the two ladies that I could see in the back of the office, she quickly donned her face mask and came to the window.

I slid my completed and signed application through the tray beneath the slot in the window along with my retired military-civilian photo ID.  She took the material and looked me over.  The photo on the ID was taken nearly three years ago in Hawaii and it showed me as a happy guy, clean shaven and with short hair. Today, thanks to the pandemic (and a broken arm), my gray locks reach my shoulders - and I now have a mustache and full, untrimmed gray beard - all of which was mostly hidden by my wide-brimmed mowing hat and a black face mask.  (I looked like Gabby Hayes preparing to rob the 3:10 to Yuma!)

I guess that even in my disguise I must have passed her quick inspection, because she then took my materials and went back to her desk to "check the books" and make sure I was registered.  A couple of minutes later the lady returned and told me that everything was in order.  She said that ballots would be mailed out in one week - on September 22nd.

I had heard that some states were requiring early voter and absentee voters to return their ballots by mail, and Missouri does send theirs out with a convenient postage-paid return envelope.   Not trusting Postmaster General DeJoy to get the job done for me, I asked if I could return my ballot to the slot in the window in-person.  The lady said that since I was officially requesting an "absentee ballot" it was fine to do it that way.

So sometime late next week - but as soon as humanly possibly after receiving my ballot in the mail - I will mark it and take it back to the county clerk's office.  That will save them the postage, and it will save me the worry of having to trust my ballot to a postal service that is under the control of one of the candidates. 

When my ballot makes its way safely through that slot in the county clerk's office window, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will have at least one secured vote in Howell County, Missouri, and Pa Rock can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he has done his bit to make America sane again!