Arizona's 3rd: A Bright Spot in Sand Land!

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist


What's America coming to?   Why couldn't the hapless son of a hapless former Vice-President just be handed a seat in Congress if he really, really wanted it?  Doesn't tons of money and family connections count for anything anymore?

Poor little Benny Quayle, spawn of Dan and Marilyn, hasn't experienced a lot of success in life up until now. Of course being, white, privileged, and rich, he really didn't have to be eaten alive with ambition.  Oh, he had some success as an anonymous contributor to a raunchy Internet website called Dirty Scottsdale where he penned his prurient prose under the pseudonym Brock Landers - the name of a fictional porn star in the movie Boogie Nights.  But adopting the persona of a fictional porn star really wasn't the stuff of classy resumes - particularly classy political resumes.

Ben was enjoying the life of the idle rich until this spring when John Shadegg, the long-time Republican Congressman from Arizona's 3rd district, decided that he would not run for re-election.   Ben was a resident of Shadegg's district, and the opportunity to move from one privileged lifestyle to another was probably more than lesser men could have passed up.  Ben threw his beanie into the ring and won a ten-way Republican primary with a less-than-hefty 23% of the vote.

After that all he had to do was sit back and wait for his coronation in November.

But Ben put the elbow grease into the campaign and raised a hefty $1.3 million to ensure that the heavily Republican district kept their Republican representation in Congress - namely him.  And he earned that money the old fashioned way - by begging it off of Daddy's friends.  Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield coughed up $500, and George and Laura Bush kicked in a thousand bucks each.  Even the elder Bush's - Daddy's former boss and his wife (George and Babs) held a fundraiser for him in their Houston home.   Ben learned early on in life that it's not what you know, it's who you know!

But all the king's horses and all the king's men - and all of their money - may not be enough to buy a seat in Congress for this child of privilege.  News reports today indicate that Ben Quayle is trailing his Democratic opponent, Jon Hulbard!

Good job, Arizona!   Keeping Brock Landers out of Congress may not completely atone for Arpaio, Brewer, Horne, Pearce, Franks, McCain, Kyl, Thomas, and Ready - but it's a big step in the right direction!