Pa Rock's Reality Show for Totally Shameless Parents

by Pa Rock
Citizen Journalist

Do your remember Falcon Heene, the six-year-old from Colorado who was dubbed "balloon boy" by the press. His parents called the police (and the media) all in a tither because little Falcon had apparently gotten aboard a large helium balloon designed by his father and flown off. The balloon came down hours later near the Denver International Airport - which had to be shut down due to the proximity of the event. However, when authorities descended on the balloon, little Falcon was not on board. He was later found hiding in the family home after the nationwide scramble came to an end.

And then Falcon inadvertently blurted out on national television that it had all been a stunt to help his parents get their own reality show. Since that big hoax occurred in October of 2009, the parents have both had to serve jail time, and they also had to pay restitution of over $30,000 for expenses incurred during the desperate pursuit of the balloon.

This week, of course, another pair of moronic parents have been outed for exploiting their children in an attempt to secure their own reality show. Laurence and Marianne Sunderland have risked the lives of not one, but two of their children in a sadistic effort to to stir interest in a show focusing on the parenting daredevil children. The Sunderland's son, Zac, became the youngest person to sail around the world alone at the age of seventeen. A few days ago his sixteen-year-old sister, Abby, failed in a similar attempt when her boat ran into storms and thirty-foot waves in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

Abby's rescue cost thousands of dollars, money that her mother was quick to point out the family does not have. (Oh, if only they could hit it big with a reality show!) But not to worry, Abby, who is not home yet, has reportedly already started penning a book on board one of the rescue vessels!

These stories are awful beyond measure! How could parents put the life of their child at risk - or say they had as in the case of Balloon Boy? How could television production companies be a party to such degeneracy? And what type of boob would sit in front of the television and be "entertained" by such overt child abuse?

Here is my modest proposal to deal with this disgusting situation: The Pa Rock Reality Show for Totally Shameless Parents. It would involve strapping the Heenes, the Sunderlands, and any other parents who place their own vanity and greed above the welfare of their children, into homemade balloons and setting them adrift over the Indian Ocean - preferably during the month of June when the waves are the highest. Survivors would automatically be winners and would qualify for the "balloon across the Antarctic challenge." The children of those who did not survive would receive college scholarships and guaranteed adoption into families who were motivated by love and not greed.

Let Abby write her book. I'm sure she has lots to say, and the act of writing should be therapeutic. Maybe the last chapter could be about the emotions she endures while visiting her parents in prison!

Kids visiting their parents in prison - yup, that might make one helluva reality show. Get my agent on the phone!