Powerball Secrets Revealed!

by Pa Rock
Mathematically Challenged
Citizen Journalist

The Powerball jackpot for next Wednesday is $138 million. The people who run the Powerball lottery would have you believe that their game is totally chance, and everyone who enters has the same odds of winning - literally none in a bazillion!

Well, that's just stuff and nonsense.

Okay, the odds are really stacked against the suckers who buy tickets, but random chance has nothing to do with the results. The whole game is based one keeping one player from winning. Yes, that's tight, the Powerball gods have selected one smuck to serve as a foil for their wicked game. I know this because I am that smuck.

In order to beat the mighty Powerball, all one has to do is study my numbers and then adjust their selections accordingly. I make it easy for Powerball to defeat me, because I let their computers select my numbers each week. That way they have me coming and going. Powerball can give me crappy numbers on the front end, and select other numbers as winners on the back end. It's quite a racket!

Here's an example of how it gets me on the front end: The Powerball number(the special number - the red ball) for the last two drawings has been eight. There are 39 possibilities for the Powerball number, 1-39, so it is amazing that the same number could be drawn twice in a row - amazing but not impossible. Three in a row, of course, would be damned near impossible, so no sane person would rush out and intentionally select 8 for their Powerball number. But I went to the local convenience store today and ordered up one auto-pick. I knew beyond any doubt that the computer would spit up an 8 for my Powerball number - and it did! Loser! The Powerball numbers for the two drawings prior to the 8's were 9 and eleven. Again, any bookmaker knows that the next Powerball number will be outside of that tight little 8 to 11 circle. When I bought a second ticket at a different convenience store later today, I was again able to safely predict that the Powerball number would be somewhere in the 8 to 11 vicinity. It was a ten! Loser!

And as for the back end of the operation, the Powerball gods truly enjoy messing with me by spitting out Powerball numbers that are almost the ones on my tickets. If I have two tickets, and the Powerball number on one is 34 and the other is 36, you can bet the Chevrolet that the winning Powerball number will be 35. It's as evil as it is devious! The gods also like to reverse my numbers: if I have a 23, the winner will invariably be a 32. Sadistic bastards!

Anyone who is serious about making a profit at Powerball would do well to take some time off of work and follow me around taking notes. Eliminating my numbers from the equation will increase your odds markedly. And as for that $138 million on Wednesday night, 8 and 10 ain't gonna be the Powerball numbers, and 9 and 11 don't look so good either!

Trust me!