Whiners and Losers

I was feeling depressed about the depression, or at least recessed about the recession, until former Senator Phil Gramm (John McBush's chief economic advisor) explained it away last week. According to this great economic mind, we are not in a recession or a depression, it is just all in our minds. Gramm admitted that we may be in a mental recession, but the actual economy has never been rosier. He also said that Americans are just a bunch of whiners.

Am I ever relieved! I am currently wrapping up a quick trip to Missouri to see my kids,grandkids, and stubbornly conservative father. The credit card bill arrived just before I left Arizona, but thanks to the stellar economic wisdom of Team McBush I knew that the airline tickets to Missouri weren't all that unreasonable. I was just being whiny. And the $4 a gallon gas that our overpriced rental car was so fond of - wasn't really that bad of a deal. Shouldn't I be thankful that Vice President Cheney took the lead in developing our national energy policy eight years ago? Where would the country be without him, or Enron, or Dear Leader's good friends in the Saudi royal family?

I've got to quit whining and be more supportive of my country. If Cindy McBush can rack up $50,000 a month on her credit cards to keep the our economy pumped up, surely I could be doing more. Maybe I'll take out a second mortgage and use the proceeds to buy a Hummer - and then take out payday loans to feed it. What could be more American than massive debt, energy wastefulness, and struggling to pay the loan sharks before they begin breaking my tired old bones?

But I can live that way, especially knowing that my imminent financial collapse is only a figment of my imagination.

So America, rest easy. John McBush readily admits that he knows nothing about the economy, but with Cindy at his side to spend us back into prosperity, and Senator Gramm wishing away bad news with the ease of a Texas steer shooing flies with his mangy tail, things are looking good. It's time for all of us to quit our whining!